Advertisement of snacks and toys have a great impact on children and their parents. So, the advertisements to children should be banned. Do you agree or disagree?

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Commercializing kids' food and

toys

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has reached a certain level, negatively luring

children

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Therefore

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, some people believe that authorities should permit the marketing of kid's materials.

Such

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advertisements not only cause addiction among infants but

also

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burden

parents

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budgets

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To begin

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with, some individuals assert that ads related to kids' snacks and

toys

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inform

parents

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about new products in the market, which is fruitful for finding a suitable item for their loved ones.

However

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, a wide range of marketing of various items adversely impacts

parents

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budgets

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. Since new

parents

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are easily influenced by

such

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ads, they spend more than their

budgets

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. A survey conducted by Indian TV, a leading news channel in India, revealed that from 2010 to 2020, more than 200 kids' foods and

toys

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were marketed on different media, leads a 20% rise in

parents

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' expenses.

Moreover

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, another detrimental impact is addiction. To explain, various companies of snacks add some substances to their items to enhance the taste, which causes addiction to

such

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unhealthy food.

Therefore

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, craving for

such

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products leads to many health issues among infants,

such

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as obesity. In India,

for example

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, 20% of primary school students are victims of fat

due to

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overeating surgery and chocolate. Despite having educational features, some

toys

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nowadays come with,

for instance

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, sound and bright screening features, which have caused health issues for

children

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To conclude

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although

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toys

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and snacks are insensible parts of

children

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's lives, excessive marketing of

such

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products adversely affects parent

budgets

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and

children

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's mental and physical health.

parminderbitti3Wed Jul 17 2024

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task achievement

Try to make sure all main points are well supported with clear examples or evidence. In your essay, you mentioned the health impact of toys but did not provide concrete examples. Adding more illustrative evidence would strengthen your argument.

task achievement

While presenting your ideas clearly, be sure to avoid any grammatical errors or awkward phrasing that might confuse the reader. For instance, 'burden parents' budgets' could be better phrased as 'place a financial burden on parents.' Focus on ensuring clarity and precision in your writing.

coherence cohesion

Consider making the transitions between paragraphs slightly smoother to improve the overall flow. For example, instead of starting with 'Moreover, another detrimental impact,' you might say, 'Additionally, a further negative consequence.' Better transitions can enhance the cohesiveness of your essay.

coherence cohesion

Ensure that you maintain a consistent viewpoint throughout your essay and avoid minor conflicts or contradictions in your arguments. In your introduction, you mentioned supporting the ban on advertisements, but later you highlighted some positive aspects of these ads which might confuse readers. Maintain a solid stance on your opinion.

coherence cohesion

You have structured your essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which aids in presenting your argument in an organized manner.

task achievement

You provided relevant examples to support your arguments, such as the survey conducted by Indian TV and statistics related to obesity among children in India.

task achievement

Your ideas are expressed clearly, making it easy for the reader to understand your viewpoints and reasoning.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

6.5

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.5

6.5

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

251 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

advertisement
childhood obesity
dietary choices
consumerism
materialism
pester power
impressionable
critical thinking
commercial intent
naivety
regulations
broadcasters
parental control
educational content
market targeting
unhealthy snacks
overpriced
exploitation
restricting
unnecessary purchases
healthy eating habits

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Advertisement of snacks and toys have a great impact on children and their parents. So, the advertisements to children should be banned. Do you agree or disagree?

Your opinion

Many jobs used to be done by hand, but nowadays an increasing number of them are done using machines instead. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this development.

Som e people think that art is an essential subject for children at school while others think that it’s a waste of time.Discuss both sides of question!

School uniforms have long been a topic of debate, with some institutions enforcing strict policies on students' attire, while others allow more freedom in how pupils dress. The introduction of uniforms has both benefits and drawbacks, and this essay will examine both sides of the issue.

We can get knowledge from news. But some people even think we should not trust the journalists. What do you think? And what do you think are the important qulities that a journalist should have?

Some people think advertisements control what we purchase, while others think they are useful sources of information on products. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.