Advertisement of snacks and toys have a great impact on children and their parents. So, the advertisements to children should be banned. Do you agree or disagree?
Commercializing kids' food and
toys
has reached a certain level, negatively luring children
. Therefore
, some people believe that authorities should permit the marketing of kid's materials. Such
advertisements not only cause addiction among infants but also
burden parents
' budgets
.
To begin
with, some individuals assert that ads related to kids' snacks and toys
inform parents
about new products in the market, which is fruitful for finding a suitable item for their loved ones. However
, a wide range of marketing of various items adversely impacts parents
' budgets
. Since new parents
are easily influenced by such
ads, they spend more than their budgets
. A survey conducted by Indian TV, a leading news channel in India, revealed that from 2010 to 2020, more than 200 kids' foods and toys
were marketed on different media, leads a 20% rise in parents
' expenses.
Moreover
, another detrimental impact is addiction. To explain, various companies of snacks add some substances to their items to enhance the taste, which causes addiction to such
unhealthy food. Therefore
, craving for such
products leads to many health issues among infants, such
as obesity. In India, for example
, 20% of primary school students are victims of fat due to
overeating surgery and chocolate. Despite having educational features, some toys
nowadays come with, for instance
, sound and bright screening features, which have caused health issues for children
.
To conclude
, although
toys
and snacks are insensible parts of children
's lives, excessive marketing of such
products adversely affects parent budgets
and children
's mental and physical health.Submitted by parminderbitti3 on
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task achievement
Try to make sure all main points are well supported with clear examples or evidence. In your essay, you mentioned the health impact of toys but did not provide concrete examples. Adding more illustrative evidence would strengthen your argument.
task achievement
While presenting your ideas clearly, be sure to avoid any grammatical errors or awkward phrasing that might confuse the reader. For instance, 'burden parents' budgets' could be better phrased as 'place a financial burden on parents.' Focus on ensuring clarity and precision in your writing.
coherence cohesion
Consider making the transitions between paragraphs slightly smoother to improve the overall flow. For example, instead of starting with 'Moreover, another detrimental impact,' you might say, 'Additionally, a further negative consequence.' Better transitions can enhance the cohesiveness of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that you maintain a consistent viewpoint throughout your essay and avoid minor conflicts or contradictions in your arguments. In your introduction, you mentioned supporting the ban on advertisements, but later you highlighted some positive aspects of these ads which might confuse readers. Maintain a solid stance on your opinion.
coherence cohesion
You have structured your essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which aids in presenting your argument in an organized manner.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples to support your arguments, such as the survey conducted by Indian TV and statistics related to obesity among children in India.
task achievement
Your ideas are expressed clearly, making it easy for the reader to understand your viewpoints and reasoning.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?