In some countries, young people have become richer, healthier, and live longer, but they are less happy. What are the causes? What can be done to address this situation?

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In many nations, despite becoming wealthier, healthier and living for a long time, youngsters do not feel happy. It seems
this
issue stems from two main reasons and some actions should be taken to address it fully. it is generally acknowledged that young generations make a busy lifestyle for themselves and do not allocate enough time to even think about things that make them feel better.
This
gradually kills their emotions and transforms them into a machine.
For instance
, we witness some well-off people who live like robots and do not consider anything but earning money.
Additionally
,
this
wealth brings some major problems to their personal lives
along with
comfort. They assume everyone is a rival and try to win an imaginary competition. It can
therefore
be concluded that money increases the quality of their life but omits their happiness. It is widely accepted that they need someone to contribute to them with their daily tasks. These individuals are not able to confront all of the problems stemming from their wealth.
Moreover
, they must have a plan for their life including spending time with their loved ones, their hobbies, attending parties and so on. In
this
way, they do not allow stress enters to their life and influence them. As an illustration, successful company owners have a knowledgeable consultant to think about difficulties and suggest proper solutions.
Consequently
, nowadays it can be seen some people earn a considerable amount of money and live healthier and longer, but with no signs of fullness. Two main causes and their relevant solutions are discussed in
this
essay which can help people get rid of negative emotions led by the mentioned issue.
Submitted by keyhan454 on

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Grammar and Punctuation
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Paragraph Structure
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Task Achievement
Your essay effectively addresses both causes and potential solutions to the issue, showing a good understanding of the task.
Coherency
The overall structure of your essay is logical, with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion, aiding in coherent progression of ideas.
Vocabulary Range
You have demonstrated a good range of vocabulary suited to the topic, which enriches your essay considerably.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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