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Writing Samples
Band 7

n many countries, more and more men are staying at home to look after their children when women work full-time. What are the reasons? Is it a positive or negative development?

#n #countries #men #home #children #women #work #development
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In many countries, the trend of
men
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 staying at home to take care of
children
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while
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women
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work
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 full-time is becoming increasingly common.
This
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 shift reflects changing societal norms and evolving family dynamics. There are several reasons behind
this
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 phenomenon, and I believe it is a positive
development
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. One major reason for
this
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 change is the increasing emphasis on
gender
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 equality. Many
women
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 now pursue higher education and have career ambitions similar to
men
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.
As a result
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, traditional
gender
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 roles, where
men
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 were the sole breadwinners and
women
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the
Add a missing verb
were the
show examples
 primary caregivers, are being challenged. In dual-income households, it often makes sense for the partner with a higher income to
work
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, regardless of
gender
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.
This
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 flexibility has allowed
men
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 to take on more domestic responsibilities, including childcare,
while
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women
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 focus on their careers. Another reason is the rise of more flexible
work
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 arrangements and parental leave policies. In some countries, paternity leave has been introduced or expanded, giving fathers the opportunity to take time off
work
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 to care for their
children
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.
Additionally
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, the growing acceptance of remote
work
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 has enabled many
men
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 to manage household duties
while
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 still contributing to the family’s income from home. In my opinion,
this
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 is a positive
development
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 for several reasons.
First,
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it promotes equality by breaking down traditional
gender
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 roles and allowing both
men
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 and
women
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 to participate more fully in both
work
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 and family life.
This
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 shift helps challenge outdated stereotypes and encourages shared responsibility in raising
children
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.
Secondly
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, it can strengthen family bonds, as fathers get the chance to build closer relationships with their
children
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 by spending more time with them.
This
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 involvement
also
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 contributes to the child’s
overall
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development
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 and well-being. In conclusion, the increase in
men
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 staying at home to look after
children
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 is driven by changing social attitudes toward
gender
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 roles and more flexible working conditions.
This
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 is a positive
development
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 that fosters equality, strengthens family relationships, and benefits society as a whole.
Submitted by jeanwen2001 on

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task achievement
Try to include more specific examples or data to strengthen the arguments further. For instance, citing specific countries with notable policies can add depth to your essay.
coherence cohesion
While your essay is well-organized, consider using more varied transition words or phrases to enhance the flow between ideas.
task achievement
The essay presents a comprehensive response to the task, addressing both the reasons and the impact of the trend effectively.
coherence cohesion
Clear logical structure with a strong introduction and conclusion that summarize the main points well.
coherence cohesion
Each paragraph supports its main point with logical reasoning, contributing to a cohesive overall argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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