Several people assert that the main cause of crime is an economically disadvantaged background. However, others say that crime is caused by a person’s nature. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
There have been growing concerns about ever-increasing
crimes
all over the world, the main reason is economically disadvantaged background. I understand this
viewpoint because it is hard to maintain a basic standard of living, thereby the financial problems. However
, at the same time, I believe people
might be able to commit crimes
because of their impulsive personalities.
Firstly
, an economically undeveloped environment seems to affect people
's violent behaviours. This
is because citizens in poor countries cannot be provided basic facilities like fresh water
or appropriate clothes. Correct your spelling
freshwater
In addition
, there are lack of schools or educational institutes so people
will live under low quality of life. As for the main cause of these unfavourable views, I believe people
seem more likely to commit crimes
. For instance
, without having such
facilities, individuals might be able to break the law for survival, robbing food or expensive things to maintain their lives. Therefore
, I believe that people
living in areas that have been struggling with financial problems are potentially exposed to committing serious crimes
.
However
, some people
may have committed crimes
unconsciously. Just imagine that a person who often hurts others without any reason. We listen to the news with these kinds of people
in common these days, making people
feel scared, innocent citizens are attacked by criminals who have violent personalities. I think those who commit crimes
intentionally can negatively affect society's threatened environment. Another concern is that individuals sometimes commit crimes
to show their strength. In other words
, a person's nature that desires to be shown strongly contributes to committing crimes
. Consequently
, I believe that negative people
's nature can result in damaging ordinary people
and society.
To sum up
, as compared above, crimes
may arise for several reasons. However
, as a person who puts more value on people
's situations, I believe more citizens may wrestle with crimes
by undeveloped finances. I think we should assist those countries by providing donations and investing money.Submitted by kchengii on
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task achievement
Your essay covers both viewpoints and presents your own opinion, which is great. However, to achieve a higher score, ensure each point is fully developed. Provide more specific examples and statistics to support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow between your ideas. Use more transitional words and phrases to connect your points smoothly.
coherence cohesion
Although your introduction and conclusion are present, make sure your conclusion more clearly summarizes the main points discussed in the essay.
general
You have addressed the topic effectively, discussing both views and providing a personal opinion.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction sets up the essay well, and your conclusion attempts to summarize your thoughts.