Some people believe the government should invest more money to help tourism development. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion.

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It is true that
tourism
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plays an important role in countries or local communities. Some people think
governments
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should spend more
money
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on the development of
tourism
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. I completely agree with
this
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argument for several reasons. On the one hand,
governments
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should provide
tourism
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with more investment because it can improve the domestic economy.
Firstly
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, the development of
tourism
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can help domestic industries make a big profit. With the popularity of local
tourism
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, more visitors are attracted, and they will purchase many local products and souvenirs. At the same time, developing
tourism
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can support other required areas.
Governments
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can earn more tax income because of the success of
tourism
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, and they will have sufficient
money
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to help required areas,
such
Linking Words
as education and
infrastructures
Fix the agreement mistake
infrastructure
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.
For example
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, the Thai government invests a lot of
money
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to develop domestic
tourism
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, and they spend
the
Correct article usage
apply
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part of
tourism
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earnings on building highways and schools.
On the other hand
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, funding for
tourism
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development can promote domestic
culture
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. A good travelling environment will attract more foreign tourists to learn
the
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about the
show examples
local
culture
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and enhance
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
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culture
Replace the word
cultural
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interaction.
For example
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, the Chinese government spend billions of dollars on
tourism
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during the Beijing Olympics, and
this
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action successfully promotes
the
Correct article usage
apply
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Chinese
culture
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to the world.
Furthermore
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, it is worth investing more
money
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in developing
tourism
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because it can establish a positive reputation. Foreign visitors might have a positive impression of the country because of the good experience
in
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of
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traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
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. In conclusion, it is valuable for
governments
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to raise investments in developing
tourism
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because it can improve the domestic economy. Meanwhile, developed
tourism
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can promote local
culture
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and establish a positive reputation effectively.
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task achievement
Your essay would benefit from slightly more detailed examples and elaboration, especially on how tourism directly impacts local industries and culture.
coherence cohesion
Consider using a wider range of vocabulary and more complex sentence structures to showcase your language proficiency better.
coherence cohesion
While the essay is well-structured, you could improve the transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear and concise introduction and conclusion that effectively frame your argument.
task achievement
Your main points are well-supported with examples, making your argument compelling and easy to follow.
coherence cohesion
Your ideas are logically ordered, making it easy for the reader to follow your line of reasoning.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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