IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that living in big cities is bad for people's health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #cities #health
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There is a controversial perspective heating up a debate over the fact that residing in megacities adversely affects the physical
health
Use synonyms
 of residents. I do not deem myself
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
an advocate of
this
Linking Words
 idea. Recent years have seen significant attention given to the environmental issues in cities that adversely affect
people
Use synonyms
's
health
Use synonyms
. The first thing I should mention is that living in urban
areas
Use synonyms
 is beneficial for
people
Use synonyms
's
health
Use synonyms
 thanks to how easily accessible the medical system is in
this
Linking Words
 day and age. To add to
this
Linking Words
,
hospitals
Use synonyms
 in urban
areas
Use synonyms
 are located everywhere in the city and
residential
Change preposition
in residential
show examples
areas
Use synonyms
, making it easy and time-saving for
people
Use synonyms
 to access whenever they need it.
For example
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 Bach Mai Hospital is very large and can provide enough services for patients, Hanoi French Hospital is still located nearby.
Hence
Linking Words
, easy access to
hospitals
Use synonyms
 helps patients receive faster treatment.
In contrast
Linking Words
, individuals residing in rural
areas
Use synonyms
 often face challenges in accessing
hospitals
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
 their remote locations.
People
Use synonyms
 frequently must travel long distances to receive medical treatment, leading to critical delays in emergency situations.
For instance
Linking Words
, those living in mountainous regions may spend days
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 to reach medical facilities,
whereas
Linking Words
 cities boast numerous
hospitals
Use synonyms
 that provide daily high-quality medical care.
Consequently
Linking Words
, accessing
hospitals
Use synonyms
 in rural
areas
Use synonyms
 is hindered by their distant placement from residential
areas
Use synonyms
.
To sum up
Linking Words
, living in big cities does not bring negative
health
Use synonyms
 effects but helps
people
Use synonyms
 prioritize their
health
Use synonyms
, thanks to the accessibility and advanced infrastructure of urban
hospitals
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by hominhtrang995 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Try to develop more counterarguments or different perspectives to ensure a balanced discussion. This will show a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Ensure seamless transitions between paragraphs and sentences to improve overall flow and coherence.
task achievement
Your essay presents clear and comprehensive ideas that directly address the topic. This demonstrates a strong understanding of the theme.
task achievement
You provided relevant and specific examples, such as the mention of Bach Mai Hospital and Hanoi French Hospital, which strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay is logically structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. This helps the reader follow your arguments easily.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • respiratory problems
  • population density
  • stress levels
  • mental health issues
  • sedentary lifestyles
  • healthcare facilities
  • cardiovascular diseases
  • psychological well-being
  • recreational areas
  • social networks
What to do next:
Look at other essays: