Nowadays both men and women spend a lot of money on beauty care. This was not so in the past. What may be the root cause of this behaviour? Discuss the reasons and possible results.
In
this
contemporary era, the usage of cosmetics products
has surged than ever. Both males and females invest a Hefty amount in personal appearance
. However
, this
practice was not popular in the past. There are multiple factors responsible for this
trend, which are resulting in a number of alarming consequences that should be highlighted and addressed at the earliest by finding out
some appropriate solutions.
Change preposition
apply
To begin
with, the technological advancement in the current world is way upgraded as compared to the past, offering a wide range of beauty
products
and skin treatments. These modern beauty
gizmos lead people
to spend money on themselves in order to change their appearance
. On the other hand
, in the past, such
technologies were either non-existent or less advanced. Moreover
, media influence plays a vital role in fostering this
trend. Modern media and social platforms constantly show idealized beauty
standards, encouraging individuals to utilize their company's products
to meet their expectations. To cite an example, lip shading treatment has been in Trend recently, and people
blindly following
the same because more and more Wrong verb form
follow
people
post their eye-catching results on their social media.
Among the consequences of the concerned
problem, the first possible outcome is that the excessive usage of cosmetic care may ruin natural Correct word choice
apply
appearance
as these treatments and products
often contain chemicals and acids that lead to severe skin diseases such
as cancer and pigmentation. Apart from
this
, huge investment in Beauty
care makes people
extravagant, lead
Wrong verb form
leading
people
to live life under heavy payments and loans. For example
, according to
the market survey 2023 in New York City, both men and women spend around 1.80 million dollars monthly on their appearance
.
In conclusion, spending money on beauty
care is Justified by the corporate industry. I believe that people
should nourish their skin through diet and naturally instead
of spending huge amounts on chemical-based products
Submitted by rajwants.1997 on
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coherence cohesion
To strengthen the logical structure, ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly from one idea to the next. This can be done using transitional phrases or words like 'Additionally,' 'Furthermore,' 'Consequently,' etc.
task achievement
Provide more relevant examples to substantiate the points made. Ensure the examples are directly linked to the main ideas discussed in the essay.
grammar vocabulary
Be careful with small typos and grammar errors. For instance, 'a Hefty amount' should be 'a hefty amount' and 'Justified' should be 'justified'. Consistent use of correct grammar and capitalization will enhance clarity.
task achievement
The essay addresses the topic thoroughly and provides a complete response by discussing both causes and consequences of the trend.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are effectively presented, summarizing the main points and providing a clear end to the essay.
task achievement
The main points are relevant and supported through examples and explanations, particularly the ones related to technological advancements and media influence.
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