IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Overpopulation of urban areas has led to numerous problems. Identify one or two serious ones and suggest ways that governments and individuals can tackle these problems.

#overpopulation #areas #two #ones #governments #individuals
Nowadays, the intense process of urbanization has brought various
issues
,
such
 as overcrowding of Metropolises. One of the reasons for moving to urban areas is the search for better opportunities, which are supposed to be better developed in rural places. Another cause would be establishing businesses in a specific area
that is
 not relevant in the countryside.
Firstly
, the desire to achieve better opportunities and services has created several difficulties that megapolises are facing today. Even though the city area is huge there are not sufficient facilities for everyone who moves there.
Moreover
, in big cities appear the
issues
 of unemployment, traffic and transport
issues
, high accommodation prices, high levels of crime, and many other problems. The solution is that the
government
 should identify these
issues
allocatea
Correct your spelling
allocate
allocate a
allocated
 budget for medical facilities, playgrounds, and public services, and encourage entrepreneurship, which has to be more developed in villages.
Secondly
, people do not need as many sports
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 as they do in urban areas because of their sedentary lives.
Therefore
,
it is clear that
this
 kind of business would not be as successful as it might be in urban areas.
In addition
, the
government
 can provide financial subsidies for young people from small residential settlements to develop their business ideas without needing to relocate.
For example
, I have a cousin who lives in a village in New Zealand and she had an idea of opening a sports centre. Luckily, she had the possibility to apply for a
government
 program that provides financial support for entrepreneurs. The conditions of funding were appropriate enough to consider them. Now she has been running her business for three years already. In conclusion, I would say that there are always better conditions and opportunities with proper involvement from the
government
.
Submitted by acaitaz on

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task achievement
The essay addresses the task effectively by identifying overpopulation problems and suggesting solutions. However, ensure more clarity in expressing the transition between ideas to enhance readability.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-organized, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. To improve coherence, consider using more transitional phrases to link ideas smoothly.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear response to the question, focusing on identified problems of overpopulation and providing reasonable governmental and individual solutions.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-stated, providing a concise overview and summary of the topic discussed.

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • strain on infrastructure
  • public services
  • overcrowded
  • inadequate healthcare services
  • pressure on educational institutions
  • environmental impact
  • increased pollution
  • waste management
  • destruction of green spaces
  • natural habitats
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