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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some people say that children should be involved in making schools' rules. Some argue that adults should be in charge of making rules. Discuss both view and give your opinion.

#people #children #schools #rules #argue #adults #charge
The topic of regulation in schools must be done by parents or students has led to divergent perspectives among individuals.
This
 essay will examine both sides of the argument before reaching a reasoned conclusion. On the one hand, proponents of letting
children
 participate in
school
 regulation argue that they are who must behave
according to
 it;
therefore
, their right is to involve them in the process of making it.
Additionally
,
children
 have to act
according to
 what they have discussed and accepted by themselves in the
school
 council.
Also
,
this
 position is supported by a lot of surveys conducted on how
children
 are satisfied in
school
 with the same approach for the same decision in most of the UK's institutions.
Moreover
, another reason to prove
this
 pinpoint is that they say collaborating with adults in an important job prepares students for their future lives by improving their decision-making and responsibility skills.
On the other hand
, advocates of keeping adults in charge of institutions' councils without declining their power in regulation to schools assert that the members of
this
 group are the best and the most right ones, who are concerned about
children
 even more than
children
 themselves, as they are usually
children
's parents or schools' authorities.
Moreover
, decision-making skills in these humans are more developed than in
children
 who are not able to see some far-reach benefits and possible hazards, and
also
 being in too formal meeting may bring stress to them. In conclusion, after expanding and considering both viewpoints of the
school
 council with taking part
children
 and without any students, I find that the former is more agreeable than the latter based on the discussion presented.
Submitted by aliaghanjd74 on

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coherence cohesion
Work on creating smoother transitions between paragraphs and ideas to ensure a more logical structure.
task achievement
Expand on some points with more specific examples to illustrate your arguments better.
task achievement
Clarify your conclusion to make it more assertive and definitive, summarizing the key points discussed.
task achievement
You have presented a fair discussion of both viewpoints, showing an understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
There is a clear introduction and conclusion, which frame the essay effectively.
coherence cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a good command of language and a variety of sentence structures.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • responsibility
  • accountability
  • engagement
  • relevant
  • reflective
  • critical thinking
  • decision-making
  • experience
  • long-term implications
  • consistent
  • professionally considered
  • lenient
  • biased
  • discipline
  • order
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