It is said tht money brings happiness. What is your opinion?

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It is contended that there is a direct correlation between
one
's wealth and
happiness
.
Although
I acknowledge the importance of
money
in
one
's
overall
contentment, I am of the opinion that the effect is short-term, and other factors might play more significant roles. Admittedly, there are several reasons as to why being wealthy is considered to have a positive correlation with
happiness
.
Firstly
, having enough
money
guarantees
one
's
overall
well-being. Being wealthy means that
one
gets a chance to consume wholesome, nutritious food.
This
kind of food provides much-needed fuel and prevents certain health issues,
such
as arterial blockage, which can be caused by the consumption of high-fat junk foods. Another positive impact of
money
is that
,
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these individuals are enabled to use their currency to buy
happiness
. Retail therapy has been proven to be
one
of the most appealing treatments globally. When
one
is at the whip of some intangible force that has ruined their day,
such
as
a
Correct article usage
the
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bad behaviour of a colleague, buying goods impulsively can help people feel they have overtaken the situation.
This
sense of control leads to their stress being alleviated.
On the other hand
, in the long term, genetic factors and
one
's beliefs have proved to be more effective. Looking at the matter in depth, genetic codes control
one
's desires and translate their achievements into a sense of contentment, which varies among individuals. People have different goals in
life
, accomplishing which triggers their genes to stimulate dopamine release and bring about immeasurable joy for
one
's
life
.
Therefore
, genes are more important than the jeans
one
buys in the store. Another significant factor in
one
's
happiness
is
one
's mindset. People who believe in god or a more significant source have more faith in
life
.
This
mentality enables them to overcome struggles and even consider them as divine examinations for unleashing their potential.
This
ultimately enables them to tackle difficulties and search for
fulfillment
Change the spelling
fulfilment
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in
life
's challenges. In conclusion,
although
money
can bring short-term
happiness
to
one
's
life
, genetics, and
one
's mindset overshadow its role.
Submitted by ghazalmoosavi79 on

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task achievement
Consider enhancing the development of ideas with more specific examples and personal insights to strengthen the argument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph contains a clear topic sentence to maintain focus and improve logical flow.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-structured, presenting a clear stance on the topic.
task achievement
The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both the role of money in happiness and the influence of other factors.
coherence cohesion
Logical organization is generally maintained throughout the essay, allowing readers to follow the arguments.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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