Some people think that parents should teach their children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the best place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Some believe that teaching
children
how to be acceptable members of the
society is Correct article usage
apply
parents
' responsibility and I think it is the best way because juveniles spend a lot of time
at home. However
, others state that the best place to learn is the school as teachers do that more effectively.
On the one hand, some state that teaching children
to be good members of the
society is best done in schools. Correct article usage
apply
This
is because teachers in education institutes have specialized skills to educate juveniles in an effective manner. Educators know how to approach a child regarding specific matters and how to correct them successfully. Therefore
, many prefer schools to educate their children
. For example
, institutes which are highly focused on children
's behaviour and manners have risen in number in recent days due to
excess demand and high success rates.
However
, some believe that teaching children
to be better people in society is parents'
job as they spend more Correct article usage
the parents'
time
at home. It is easy to teach and correct children
when you have more time
around them. Parents
have the opportunity to be with their children
more than anyone else and to guide them with social manners and also
correct them whenever necessary. Furthermore
, children
pick up many manners from their parents
thus
they can always influence them in a positive way. For instance
, a recently published survey showed that a significant number of children
tend to act and behave as their parents
thus
proving parents
have a bigger effect on children
.
In conclusion, some believe that parents
should educate their children
on how to be better people while
others think that schools should do it. In my opinion, even though teachers have better skills, I think parents
should do the educating as children
spend more time
with them and they can influence on
Change preposition
apply
children
more easily.Submitted by lithmakumaradasa on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Nevertheless, strive for smoother transitions between ideas and paragraphs to enhance overall readability.
task achievement
While you provide some examples, aim to include more specific, detailed examples to strengthen your arguments further. This will help illustrate your points more convincingly.
task achievement
Your ideas are generally clear, but try to elaborate them a bit more to ensure they are fully comprehensive. Adding more depth to your arguments will enrich your essay.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and provides a clear opinion, contributing to a strong finish.
task achievement
The essay comprehensively addresses both views of the discussion prompt, showing a balanced approach to the topic.
coherence cohesion
You have structured your essay well, with a clear separation of ideas into paragraphs, making it easy to follow.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.