Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged, others believe that children who are taught to Co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both the views and give opinion

#people #sense #competition #children #co-operate #adults

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Nowadays, the competition is on the rise because of money. Some people believe including me, that more time needs to be allocated to the unity of the group and collaboration together to achieve a good sense of education,

while

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some argue about it.

To begin

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, time and money are invested in competitions now

for instance

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, at present private colleges prepare their

students

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to compete with other candidates

instead

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, school societies must learn general knowledge about lessons not for just

sake

Correct article usage

the sake

show examples

of medals, it would be beneficial if we could keep

this

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between

Change preposition

apply

show examples

balance.

Secondly

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, parents and teachers force children to use their knowledge against other

students

Use synonyms

for example

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, in Uzbekistan's private tutors there will be a lot of competition

also

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with

there

Rephrase

apply

show examples

a great reward albeit, tutors need to teach pupils and

students

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academic education which is needed for their future dream jobs or university.

However

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students

Use synonyms

get

motivation

Add an article

the motivation

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to study to compete with

another person

Fix the agreement mistake

other people

show examples

. It would be great if the government applied

limitation

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limitations

show examples

between education and

tournament

Fix the agreement mistake

tournaments

show examples

To sum up

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, I do not think that events need to stop but, it needs to be term. There are events out here just organised for money, the government needs to take control of that. If all attention is given to achieving good

certificate

Fix the agreement mistake

certificates

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and good grades the world of innovation drives crazy.

Submitted by xalilovamirxon6 on Thu Jan 09 2025

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coherence cohesion

Strengthen the logical structure of your paragraphs. Ensure that each paragraph clearly conveys one main idea and includes supporting details.

task achievement

Enhance your task response by addressing both views more evenly. Include more balanced discussion to showcase the merits of each perspective.

task achievement

Include more specific examples to support your arguments. Use real-world scenarios or hypothetical situations to enrich your discussion.

coherence cohesion

You provided a clear introduction and conclusion, outlining your stance.

task achievement

Your essay addresses the topic and you have given your opinion, which matches the question requirements.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

222 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

encourage
compete
cooperate
useful
adults
skills
motivation
drive
resilience
failure
workplace
empathy
social skills
reduce
stress
pressure
balanced
approach
ideal

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Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged, others believe that children who are taught to Co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both the views and give opinion

Fully explain your ideas

Some people think that parents should punish their children when they misbehave. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In the future all cars, buses and trucks will be driverless. The only people travelling inside these vehicles will be passengers. Do you think the advantages of driverless vehicles outweigh the disadvantages?

You would like to rent a car for a holiday. Write to the car rental agency. In your letter •Explain what type of car you would like •Give details of when you would like the car •Request more information about the cost

Due to the development and rapid expansion of supermarkets, many small local businesses are unable to compete. Some people think that the closure of local businesses will bring about the death of local communities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays a growing number of people with health problems trying alternative medicine and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctors. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?