Some people say the main way to be happy in life is to have a lot of money. How might having a lot of money make people happy? What other things in life can make people happy? (Give reasons for your answers and include any relewant examples from your own knowledge or experience.)
Nowadays, Every transaction needs
money
and become one of Add an article
the comodities
comodities
that everyone needs worldwide. Some people believe that the important part of Correct your spelling
commodities
money
will make them happy. Money
can make them happy because it can help them to buy anything they want including travels
, bags, and great Fix the agreement mistake
travel
foods
. Fix the agreement mistake
food
However
, there other
things that make a person happy Add a missing verb
are other
such
as family and time besides
money
. This
essay will discuss on
Change preposition
apply
money
and other factors that can create happiness.
Money
allows people to get tickets for travel to wherever they want. This
will create good memories
and experiences. For instance
, My family and I always go travel
once a year, without Wrong verb form
travelling
money
, everything is so unclear regarding to
the Remove the preposition
apply
accomodation
and travel tour that we need to payCorrect your spelling
accommodation
.
Change preposition
for.
Furthermore
, money
allows us to get good meals in nice restaurants such
as Michelline
Correct your spelling
Michelin
star
Capitalize word
Star
restaurans
. Another reason, why Correct your spelling
restaurants
restaurant
money
is really important, is it allows us buy
bags Add the particle
to buy
especially
for women. Add the comma(s)
, especially
Bag
is a signature for women, the more expensive the higher the status that a woman can Add an article
The bag
gained
.
Change the verb form
gain
Besides
money
, there are other things that can create happiness in a person. Family, that
cannot bought with Correct pronoun usage
which
money
, is playing a key role in life. For instance
, I found fastinating
when I was in Correct your spelling
fascinating
graduation
ceremony. Graduation is Add an article
the graduation
a graduation
Correct article usage
a milestones
milestones
for a student and of Fix the agreement mistake
milestone
course
family, Add a comma
course,
act
as support systems for a student, Correct subject-verb agreement
acts
Correct word choice
and create
create
good Correct subject-verb agreement
creates
memories
in graduation. Such
memories
cannot bought with money
and that is
why time playing
Wrong verb form
plays
role
Add an article
a role
the role
to create
Change preposition
in creating
memories
.
In conclusion, for some people, money
plays important
role in their lives. Correct article usage
an important
However
, there are some other things that money
cannot buy such
as family and time. It is based on Correct article usage
a person
person
preferences whether they choose Change noun form
person's
money
or family.Submitted by alyalihan28 on
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task achievement
Your essay addresses the topic and provides relevant ideas, but it lacks a clear and comprehensive development of those ideas. Strive to delve deeper into your points and provide more detailed explanations.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present, but they could be more clear and impactful. Make sure your introduction succinctly states the main points you will discuss, and your conclusion should effectively summarize your arguments and offer a closing thought.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that your arguments are clearly linked. For instance, better transitions between paragraphs can help in making the essay more fluent and cohesive.
general
Work on correcting minor grammatical and spelling errors to enhance readability. For example, proper capitalization ('Every' should be 'every' and 'Michelline' should be 'Michelin'), correctly spelling words like 'accommodations' and 'tour,' and fixing subject-verb agreement issues.
task achievement
You provide relevant and specific examples to support your points.
task achievement
Your essay maintains a clear focus on the topic and discusses both aspects effectively.