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Band 6

Some people believe that the internet has brought more harm than good. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #internet #harm
Nowadays the
internet
 is an everyday thing for any inhabitant of the world.
However
, some people have considered that the
internet
 has had more disadvantages than positive aspects. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
 it brings more benefits for people than problems. First of all, the
internet
 has broken down all borders between different countries and opened all kinds of communication between different nationalities, languages and cultures.
For example
, I met my husband on a dating app when I was in China and he was in Korea.
Therefore
, another positive aspect is distance working and studying. With the advent of the
Internet
Add a comma
Internet,
show examples
 people can explore a lot of kinds of courses from just hobbies to professional studies and it’s not necessarily to be physically in class.
Moreover
, the same thing
about
Change preposition
to
show examples
work
, there are now a large number of remote vacancies available and employers themselves choose a similar
work
 format in order to reduce costs. I manage my business only online so it provides me with a lot of options for extending my team and a list of future clients all over the world.
On the other hand
, now almost all services
work
 from the
Internet
 or via the
Internet
. If the connection is lost,
then
 the opportunity to order household items and services to conduct payments and transactions is lost.
Few
Change the article
A few
show examples
 days ago Microsoft
office
Capitalize word
Office
show examples
 had some issues with
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 connection which led to
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 business stoppage, even airports in a few different countries couldn’t arrange their
work
 without it. In conclusion, the
Internet
 created a lot of opportunities and destroyed borders. Now every person has access to various resources and knowledge online,
as well as
 the opportunity to realize themselves throughout the world.
Submitted by polinaukhalova.my on

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task achievement
Consider elaborating further on both the positive and negative aspects of the Internet to provide a more balanced argument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure smooth transitions between ideas and paragraphs to maintain the flow of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Avoid overly lengthy sentences as they may confuse the reader; try to break them into shorter, clearer ones.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-structured, with a clear introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
Relevant and specific examples have been used to support the main points.
task achievement
The essay covers a broad range of ideas about the impact of the Internet, enhancing the reader's understanding.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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