IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In many countries today, major cities have become too big and overcrowded. Why is this? What measures could be taken to reduce this problem? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#countries #cities #measures
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The moving to big centres trend has sparked heated social debate since public housing is no longer able to store
people
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 flocking over looking for job opportunities. In the following paragraphs, I will discuss some of the main reasons and propose solutions to
this
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 pressing situation. There are many countries in the world facing the same crisis of overpopulation in major cities because of the uneven distribution of high-quality services across the nation. Governments tend to concentrate on building amenities in cities which are representative of their country.
For instance
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, Beijing and Shanghai attract more international attention and foreign investment capital, to boost their economic growth, the Chinese authorities prioritize constructing new manufacturing
facilities
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 in these metropolises rather than remote provinces like Hainan or Anhui.
This
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 leads to large numbers of
people
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 moving to urban areas in search of better careers and salaries;
therefore
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, resulting in overcrowding and slums even in modern centres.
However
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,
this
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 problem can easily be solved if the government starts investing in rural areas and building more
facilities
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 for local residents. In
this
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 way,
people
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 will stay in their hometowns knowing that they can have proper jobs and decent incomes to support their families.
For example
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, the Vietnamese government has improved local lives by directing Vingroup corporations to provinces
such
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 as Hai Phong or Hung Yen to place their subsidiaries and create more job opportunities,
thus
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 promoting the economic status of the region.
This
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 solution not only addresses the issue of overcrowding but
also
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 benefits from the development of these areas.
Additionally
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, these profits can be used to provide better
facilities
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 and security for local residents.
Thus
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,
people
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 are more likely to stay and work for the development of their hometowns, effectively reducing the trend of
people
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 flocking to major cities. In the denouement, it is understandable why folks are interested in big metropolises because of the availability of various job opportunities; making them dense and overcrowded.
However
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, the even distribution of manufacturing
facilities
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 and investments are immediate actions governments can take to address
this
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 pressing issue promptly.
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task response
The essay clearly addresses the task by explaining the reasons for overcrowding in major cities and suggesting solutions. To further improve, consider providing additional examples or data to strengthen the arguments.
coherence cohesion
While the logical structure is mostly clear, each paragraph could benefit from more transitional phrases to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence to better guide the reader.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a well-defined introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion.
task response
Relevant and specific examples, such as the Vietnamese government's approach, are provided to support the main points, enriching the essay's content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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