People today spend too much time on personal enjoyment—doing things they like to do—rather than doing things they should do. Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer
According to
statistics, by expanding the use of social networks, Linking Words
people
become more lazy. I agree that nowadays Use synonyms
people
are more focused on doing what they want rather than doing what they really should do. In Use synonyms
this
essay, I will discuss Linking Words
this
theme with two reasons and give some examples.
Linking Words
Firstly
, social networks and their contents provide a high satisfaction Linking Words
level
in humans’ brains in a really short Use synonyms
time
. The brain that gets the happiness hormones Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
at
this
high Linking Words
level
during a short Use synonyms
time
, gets the habit Use synonyms
to experience
it more and more day by day. So, Change preposition
of experiencing
person
who should the things that may be not so interesting for him, Add an article
the person
a person
become
bored and his brain sends out some signals to make the person Correct subject-verb agreement
becomes
to
do what he wants at the moment and Change the verb form
apply
take
some satisfaction. Verb problem
get
For example
, watching some fun videos in a short Linking Words
time
secretes some Endorphin hormones in the body. Use synonyms
As a result
, the brain becomes addicted to Linking Words
this
amount of Endorphin and at the next Linking Words
Use synonyms
level
it doesn’t want to do routine work or things that can’t secret Add a comma
level,
this
amount of hormones. Linking Words
Therefore
, the side effects of social media are ruining modern Linking Words
people
by distracting their concentration and making them do what they want at the moment.
Use synonyms
Secondly
, the experience of death and being in quarantine after the Covid virus, made Linking Words
people
think about their future and focus on their Use synonyms
life
and activities that make them happier. Use synonyms
For example
, my girlfriend’s father passed away Linking Words
due to
Linking Words
Covid
virus. After that, she decided to have more fun in her Correct your spelling
the
life
and do what she Use synonyms
wants exactly
at the moment. She gave up her work with a good salary in a company. Now, she sometimes takes orders for her paints and sells them. So, some experiences in Wrong verb form
wanted
life
can change a person’s point of focus and make him do what he wants.
In short, the worldwide concern, social media, changed the Use synonyms
life
Use synonyms
pattern
of modern Fix the agreement mistake
patterns
people
by satisfying them at a high Use synonyms
level
in a short Use synonyms
time
. Some tragic experiences like pandemic diseases or Use synonyms
life
conditions can Use synonyms
also
change Linking Words
people
's point of view and make them try short ways to satisfy and become happier and get them to forget what they really should do now. (376 words)Use synonyms
Submitted by aksoysana on
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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure a smoother flow between ideas and paragraphs. Use transition words more effectively to guide the reader. Additionally, make sure each paragraph transitions naturally to the next.
task achievement
In the first paragraph, establish a more concrete thesis statement that clearly outlines your main points. This will help the reader understand what to expect in the following paragraphs.
task achievement
Provide a more balanced discussion by considering a counterargument or acknowledging the opposing viewpoint. This would demonstrate a deeper level of analysis and critical thinking.
task achievement
The essay effectively addresses the prompt by focusing on the impact of social networks and personal experiences (like the Covid-19 pandemic) on people's behavior. This demonstrates a strong understanding of the task.
task achievement
The examples used in the essay are relevant and specific, particularly the personal anecdote about the girlfriend's father and the explanation of endorphin addiction through social media use. This adds credibility to the arguments made.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-defined, giving the essay a clear starting and ending point. This helps frame the essay effectively and aids in reader comprehension.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.