People today spend too much time on personal enjoyment—doing things they like to do—rather than doing things they should do. Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer
According to
statistics, by expanding the use of social networks, people
become more lazy. I agree that nowadays people
are more focused on doing what they want rather than doing what they really should do. In this
essay, I will discuss this
theme with two reasons and give some examples.
Firstly
, social networks and their contents provide a high satisfaction level
in humans’ brains in a really short time
. The brain that gets the happiness hormones in
Change preposition
at
this
high level
during a short time
, gets the habit to experience
it more and more day by day. So, Change preposition
of experiencing
person
who should the things that may be not so interesting for him, Add an article
the person
a person
become
bored and his brain sends out some signals to make the person Correct subject-verb agreement
becomes
to
do what he wants at the moment and Change the verb form
apply
take
some satisfaction. Verb problem
get
For example
, watching some fun videos in a short time
secretes some Endorphin hormones in the body. As a result
, the brain becomes addicted to this
amount of Endorphin and at the next level
it doesn’t want to do routine work or things that can’t secret Add a comma
level,
this
amount of hormones. Therefore
, the side effects of social media are ruining modern people
by distracting their concentration and making them do what they want at the moment.
Secondly
, the experience of death and being in quarantine after the Covid virus, made people
think about their future and focus on their life
and activities that make them happier. For example
, my girlfriend’s father passed away due to
Covid
virus. After that, she decided to have more fun in her Correct your spelling
the
life
and do what she wants exactly
at the moment. She gave up her work with a good salary in a company. Now, she sometimes takes orders for her paints and sells them. So, some experiences in Wrong verb form
wanted
life
can change a person’s point of focus and make him do what he wants.
In short, the worldwide concern, social media, changed the life
pattern
of modern Fix the agreement mistake
patterns
people
by satisfying them at a high level
in a short time
. Some tragic experiences like pandemic diseases or life
conditions can also
change people
's point of view and make them try short ways to satisfy and become happier and get them to forget what they really should do now. (376 words)Submitted by aksoysana on
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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure a smoother flow between ideas and paragraphs. Use transition words more effectively to guide the reader. Additionally, make sure each paragraph transitions naturally to the next.
task achievement
In the first paragraph, establish a more concrete thesis statement that clearly outlines your main points. This will help the reader understand what to expect in the following paragraphs.
task achievement
Provide a more balanced discussion by considering a counterargument or acknowledging the opposing viewpoint. This would demonstrate a deeper level of analysis and critical thinking.
task achievement
The essay effectively addresses the prompt by focusing on the impact of social networks and personal experiences (like the Covid-19 pandemic) on people's behavior. This demonstrates a strong understanding of the task.
task achievement
The examples used in the essay are relevant and specific, particularly the personal anecdote about the girlfriend's father and the explanation of endorphin addiction through social media use. This adds credibility to the arguments made.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-defined, giving the essay a clear starting and ending point. This helps frame the essay effectively and aids in reader comprehension.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.
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