IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Some people think that menand women have different qualities, therefore certain jobs are suitable for men and others for women. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

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In
this
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 day and age, there is no denying that males and females exhibit profound personality differences, which can impact their career choices. The writer of
this
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 essay strongly agrees with
this
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 perspective because each individual possesses unique passions and strengths, and they should have the right to choose their future profession, regardless of social stereotypes or personal qualities.
Firstly
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, it is essential to recognize that every woman has the right to strive for her achievements and select her desired career path.
However
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,
gender
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 discrimination significantly influences the future prospects of females worldwide.
For instance
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, in Asian communities,
women
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 are often perceived as nurturing and empathetic,
while
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men
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 are seen as assertive and competitive. These stereotypes can limit
women
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’s aspirations, confining them to traditional roles
such
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 as homemaking.
As a result
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, many talented
women
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 miss out on opportunities that rightfully belong to them. It is crucial to break free from these outdated customs and allow both sexes to pursue careers that align with their abilities and interests.
Men
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 and
women
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 are equally entitled to pursue their interests and goals based on their personal abilities, talents, and passions.
Gender
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 should not be a determining factor in dictating what individuals can or cannot do. Each person possesses unique skills and strengths, irrespective of
gender
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, and should have the freedom to choose their paths
accordingly
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. Upholding
this
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 principle of equality fosters a society where individuals are valued for their abilities rather than their
gender
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. By recognizing and respecting the diverse talents and aspirations of both
men
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 and
women
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, we can create a more inclusive and equitable world where everyone has the opportunity to thrive and contribute to their fullest potential. In conclusion,
while
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 it is evident that
men
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 and
women
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 may exhibit distinct personality traits, it is imperative to recognize that these differences should not limit individuals' career choices. The writer firmly supports the notion that everyone should have the autonomy to pursue their passions and leverage their unique strengths, regardless of societal expectations or perceived
gender
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 norms.

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task achievement
Consider integrating more specific examples and evidence to bolster the arguments made. This would make the essay more compelling and well-rounded.
coherence cohesion
A more explicit linkage between paragraphs can enhance the flow. While the essay is logically structured, a few more connecting phrases can be beneficial.
task achievement
The essay addresses the topic question comprehensively and presents a clear stance.
coherence cohesion
Logical structure is well-maintained, making it easy to follow the argument. Introduction and conclusion are present, effectively setting the stage and summarizing the essay.
task achievement
Ideas are conveyed clearly and are easy to understand, showcasing a good command of language.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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