Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#children #hours #smartphones #case #development

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If someone asks

children

Use synonyms

what

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

they usually do during their free time, most

children

Use synonyms

will answer they do everything by

smartphone

Use synonyms

Such

Linking Words

as playing a game, watching

Youtube

Correct your spelling

YouTube

show examples

and using social media like Instagram or

twitter

Capitalize word

Twitter

show examples

This

Linking Words

phenomenon

became

Wrong verb form

has become

show examples

too common now, but I think it's negative and we need to change

this

Linking Words

tendency in a different way. In the past, when there

was

Correct subject-verb agreement

were

show examples

Use synonyms

smartphone

Fix the agreement mistake

smartphones

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and

Correct word choice

show examples

Internet

Correct article usage

the Internet

show examples

children

Use synonyms

usually

Wrong verb form

went

show examples

out and

play

Wrong verb form

played

show examples

some sports or games together face-to-face.

However

Linking Words

, now we can do literally everything by our own

smartphone

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children

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don'

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have to go out and hang out with their friends. They can always meet and talk in

online

Add an article

an online

the online

show examples

environment. And if they want to get some information, they will search

Internet

Add an article

the Internet

show examples

or watch

Youtube

Correct your spelling

YouTube

show examples

rather than going to the library.

Moreover

Linking Words

children

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can study through

application

Fix the agreement mistake

applications

show examples

or online

platform

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platforms

show examples

even if they don'

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meet a teacher directly.

This

Linking Words

change looks very convenient and

revolutional

Correct your spelling

revolutionary

but there are so many disadvantages.

First,

Linking Words

children

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's social

skill

Fix the agreement mistake

skills

show examples

will get lower as they keep using

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smartphone

Fix the agreement mistake

smartphones

show examples

While

Linking Words

using

Use synonyms

smartphone

Fix the agreement mistake

smartphones

show examples

, they don'

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speech out

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

word

Fix the agreement mistake

words

show examples

for a long time and they don'

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spend much time

to communicate

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communicating

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with their parents or friends directly. Lack of social

skill

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skills

show examples

will lead

children

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to become

amature

Correct your spelling

a mature

mature

person.

Second,

Linking Words

indiscriminative access to media will impact

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apply

show examples

children

Use synonyms

's bad language habits and personalities. There are so many contents

included

Wrong verb form

including

show examples

curse words or inappropriate elements and the regulation system for it does not construct that well. So

children

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can

expose

Wrong verb form

be exposed

show examples

Linking Words

this

Change preposition

to this

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dangerous environment and get

affect

Wrong verb form

affected

show examples

with

Change preposition

show examples

while

Linking Words

they use smartphones. In conclusion, as

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

technology

developed

Wrong verb form

develops

show examples

, using a

smartphone

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is essential now but spending the whole day with

Use synonyms

smartphone

Add an article

a smartphone

the smartphone

show examples

is too negative to

children

Use synonyms

's growth. So parents need to restrict the

smartphone

Use synonyms

usage of their

children

Use synonyms

and try to make them experience other outdoor activities.

Submitted by starmino0113 on Sat Jul 20 2024

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relevant specific examples

Your essay needs to include more specific examples to support your points. Specific examples will help in making your argument more convincing.

clear comprehensive ideas

Pay attention to grammar and punctuation. While your ideas are clear, some grammatical errors can distract the reader.

logical structure

To achieve higher coherence and cohesion, you can use transition words and phrases to link sentences and paragraphs more smoothly.

complete response

You successfully presented both the reasons why children spend so much time on their smartphones and your opinion on whether it is a positive or negative development. This demonstrates a good understanding of the task requirements.

introduction conclusion present

Your introduction and conclusion are well-defined and clearly presented. This helps the reader understand the main points you are trying to make.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
33
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

312 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

smartphones
usage
technology
accessibility
convenience
entertainment
gaming
social media
communication
educational resources
addiction
dependence
negative effects
physical health
mental health

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Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Fully explain your ideas

It is importatnt for people to take risk, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweight the disadvantages?

Some people think that the increasing use of computer and mobile phones nowadays has unwanted effects on the young people reading and writing skills. To what extent do you agree or disagree

In the future all cars, buses and trucks will be driverless. The only people travelling inside these vehicles will be passengers. Do you think the advantages of driverless vehicles outweigh the disadvantages.

Nowadays, more people are choosing to socialise online rather than face to face. Is this a positive or negative development?

Countries are becoming more and more similar because people are able to buy the same products anywhere in the world. Do you think this is a positive or negative development ?