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Writing Samples
Band 6

The tables below give information about sales of Fair trade- labelled tea and pineapples in 2010 and 2015 in five European countries. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The tables below give information about sales of Fair trade- labelled tea and pineapples in 2010 and 2015 in five European countries. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The two given tables compare the revenues from selling Fair trade-labelled tea and pineapples in 2010 and 2015 in five countries in Europe, with the unit
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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in millions of euros.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is noticeable that there was an increase in the sales of both products in all countries, with the only exception seen in that of Germany.
Moreover
Linking Words
, France witnessed the highest jump in sales from 2010 to 2015
while
Linking Words
 it is the case for Austria in terms of pineapples. Regarding tea, almost 10th times the
sale
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
in
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 2010 was made in 2015, recording
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
21
million
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
apply
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euros, as opposed to that of Netherlands and Norway, which only increased by 2
million
Use synonyms
 in both countries.
Moreover
Linking Words
, Austria
also
Linking Words
 achieved a significant rise in
Use synonyms
sale
Fix the agreement mistake
sales
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 in 2015 with 4
million
Use synonyms
, doubling the figure in 2010.
Finally
Linking Words
, 7
million
Use synonyms
 more
of
Change preposition
apply
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tea was sold in
Correct article usage
the Netherland
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Netherland
Fix the agreement mistake
Netherlands
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 in 2015 compared to 2010. Turning to pineapple, the value of
Use synonyms
sale
Fix the agreement mistake
sales
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 made in Austria was the highest in both 2010 and 2015,
whereas
Linking Words
 the figure in 2015 tripled that in 2010, recording at 48
million
Use synonyms
 and 16
million
Use synonyms
, respectively.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the disparity between the
Use synonyms
sale
Fix the agreement mistake
sales
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 made in 2010 and 2015 in France and
Netherlands
Correct article usage
the Netherlands
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 was
also
Linking Words
 significant, with the latter almost
tripled
Wrong verb form
tripling
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 the former.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, Norway’s
Use synonyms
sale
Fix the agreement mistake
sales
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 rose by 2
million
Use synonyms
 in 2015.
In contrast
Linking Words
, Germany was the only country that dropped its
Use synonyms
sale
Fix the agreement mistake
sales
show examples
 value in 2015, recording only 1.9
million
Use synonyms
 as opposed to 3
million
Use synonyms
 in 2010.
Submitted by kimtruong270192 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, moreover".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words sale, million with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "give" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "compare" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
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