IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Q. In some parts of the world traditional festivals and celebrations have disappeared or are disappearing. What problems is this causing? What measures could be taken to counter this situation?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There is no denying the fact that traditional festivals have a special feeling , but unfortunately, it has become not common to celebrate those days in some countries .
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss the reasons behind
this
Linking Words
 trend and how to control
this
Linking Words
 problem.
to begin
Linking Words
 with the causes behind
this
Linking Words
 trend, there are many reasons for festivals' disappearance.
Firstly
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
 forget these occasions and do not pay attention to historical data
In other words
Linking Words
, they may be not interested in celebrating.
In addition
Linking Words
, some festivals can be costly
For example
Linking Words
, there are some non-developing regions that can't handle the cost of parties.
Moreover
Linking Words
, society doesn't have much knowledge about these days because it is very old . In terms of solutions, I personally feel that we should increase
people
Use synonyms
's awareness by reminding them . It is
also
Linking Words
 possible to say that countries will appreciate these traditions and make their national identity special .
Subsequently
Linking Words
, it will become an essential occasions
For instance
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 will learn more about their cultures so that each country will be unique In conclusion, there are many reasons that some areas don't consider these days as a crucial historical celebration. It is
also
Linking Words
 true that we can tackle
this
Linking Words
 issue in many ways, we can
also
Linking Words
 use social media to make sure that everyone knows about traditional parties . we can
also
Linking Words
use
Verb problem
apply
show examples
add some activities
such
Linking Words
 as traditional songs ,
phiyscal
Correct your spelling
physical
 games and unique dance movements to simply attract native
people
Use synonyms
 and tourists as much as possible.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Your essay presents a clear response to the question, addressing the problems and suggesting measures to counter the disappearance of traditional festivals. However, ensure that your points are elaborated further and linked back to the main topic to enhance clarity.
Coherence and Cohesion
While your introduction sets the context well for the topic, make sure to define the problems more explicitly. Each paragraph should ideally contain a clear topic sentence that outlines its main idea and connects back to your thesis.
Task Achievement
You have provided some relevant examples, but they could be more specific or detailed to strengthen your argument. Try to include more concrete examples or case studies to illustrate your points more vividly.
Coherence and Cohesion
The flow of ideas could be improved by using more transition words and phrases. This will make it easier for the reader to follow your argument and see the connections between your ideas.
Task Achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt adequately, discussing both the problems caused by the disappearance of traditional festivals and potential solutions.
Task Achievement
You effectively express a personal viewpoint by stating 'I personally feel that we should increase people's awareness,' which adds a personal touch to your writing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: