Topic: some parents buy their children a large number of toys to play with. What are the advantages and disadvantages for the children of having a large number of toys?
Toys
have become a source of entertainment for children
, and parents love to buy gifts for their kids, especially toys
. While
some people believe this
is beneficial, I think there are also
some drawbacks.
On the one hand, having excessive toys
has several benefits. Children
have a variety of playthings, share toys
with others, and develop friendships. Toys
like puzzle games and blocks also
help children
learn and develop critical thinking skills. Educational toys
enhance learning skills, and playing with toys
keeps children
active and fit.
On the other hand
, recent surveys highlight the disadvantages of having too many toys
. Children
may waste time playing with toys
, neglect their studies, and become materialistic. They may also
lose their sense of appreciation, discarding toys
when they get bored, expecting
new ones from their parents.
In conclusion, Correct word choice
and expecting
while
providing children
with many toys
brings happiness, I believe we should limit toys
to help children
focus on their studies .Submitted by mianraza686 on
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task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points. Instead of mentioning 'recent surveys,' provide details or hypothetical scenarios that illustrate your points more concretely. This will make your argument stronger.
task achievement
Expand on your points to make your argument more comprehensive. For example, in addition to mentioning that children may neglect their studies, discuss how having fewer toys might positively impact their academic performance.
task achievement
Ensure a more balanced and complex analysis by discussing the potential long-term impacts on children's development, both positive and negative. This can provide depth to your argument.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. Try using transitional phrases to guide the reader through your points more seamlessly. For example, phrases like 'In addition,' 'Moreover,' or 'On the contrary' can be helpful.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present, but make sure the conclusion directly ties back to the points discussed in the body of the essay. Reinforce your key points in your concluding remarks to leave a lasting impression on the reader.
coherence cohesion
Work on providing more supporting details for your main points. For instance, explain how educational toys enhance learning skills and what specific skills can be developed by such toys. This will show a deeper understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This helps in effectively presenting your ideas.
task achievement
The topic is addressed directly, and your discussion includes both advantages and disadvantages, which shows a balanced perspective.
task achievement
Your language is clear and easy to understand, which makes your points accessible. This is important for ensuring your argument is communicated well to the reader.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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