Some people think that good health is very important to every person, so medical services should not be run by profit-making companies. Do the advantages of private health care outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #health #person #services #companies #care

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Several individuals believe that good

health

is crucial to everyone, so medical services should not be managed by profit-making companies. In my opinion, I think that the advantages of private

health

care do not outweigh its disadvantages. On one hand,

it is clear that

personal healthcare provides high-quality facilities

as well as

good services. To illustrate, in my country, VietNam, if you go to private hospitals for an examination, you do not need to wait in long time to take your turn.

However

, you must wait a couple of hours in public hospitals for your turn-taking.

Additionally

, each sick room of a personal healthcare centre consists of only one to two

patients

however

this

figure is from 12 to 22

patients

in a public hospital room . It means that private medical services can bring a sense of comfort to

patients

, which contributes to protecting their mental

health

and helping

patients

to get well again quickly.

On the other hand

, spending on private

health

is very expensive.

For instance

, in Vietnam, I must pay from 50 to 100 VND for each examination at a public hospital.

Conversely

this

figure booms from 300 to one million VND in a personal healthcare centre, which leads to a financial burden on

patients

coming from poor families.

Furthermore

, many individuals will not dare go to hospitals when they are sick.

As a result

, the problems of healthy communities and the social economy will grow. In conclusion, the advantages of the comfortable feeling of

patients

seem to not outweigh the disadvantages of the increase in the number of healthy communities and economic issues.

Submitted by writingeilts on Sun Jun 09 2024

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task achievement

You have addressed both views of the essay prompt. To further strengthen your argument, make sure to add more supporting examples and details to balance your points better.

coherence cohesion

The essay is generally well-structured and easy to follow, but try to enhance the logical flow of ideas between paragraphs. Transitional phrases can be used more effectively to ensure a smoother flow.

coherence cohesion

The introduction and conclusion provide a clear and concise summary of your main argument, which adds to the overall coherence of the essay.

task achievement

Specific examples, such as the comparison between private and public hospitals in Vietnam, help to illustrate your points effectively.

10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

268 words

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