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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Is it good for children to start using computers from an early age and spend long hours on them? Discuss the advantages and disadvantages.

#children #computers #age #hours
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Undoubtedly, technology has always proved to have banes and boons based on its utilization. It is a blessing in disguise for mankind irrespective of age if used in the right direction and detrimental if over-exploited. The usage of advanced devices by kids from childhood age is always a topic of debate.
This
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 essay will discuss the advantages and disadvantages in detail. On the brighter side, spending
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 on a plethora of smart gadgets like computers, iPads and a lot more will help toddlers broaden their horizons of knowledge.
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 means that with the support of technology, it is now possible for children to gather skills and become master's in their subjects by attending online classes provided by professors around the globe.
This
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 will result in their holistic development and open the gateway of opportunities for them.
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, during the pandemic, online classes bolster students to stay in touch and remain focused on their studies to cultivate exceptional grades. On the darker side, there are some potential threats posed by using smart gadgets which will drastically impact little ones' physical and mental health.
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, these days many young ones are facing diseases like obesity and social loneliness because they devote most of their
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 to these tech materials. To illustrate, a study by the World Health Organisation revealed that 67% of children globally are struggling with being overweight and depressed. In conclusion, based on the facts above, I assert that we should keep an eye on toddlers'
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 and their mural activities. Parents and Schools together motivate them to use smart devices only for their academic development and spend some
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 on physical activities with their peers to enjoy a salubrious life.
Submitted by joshi65201 on

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task achievement
To improve your task achievement score, ensure that you address all parts of the question comprehensively. You could add more details regarding how computers can enhance creativity or improve technological skills in children.
coherence cohesion
Refine the logical structure by enhancing the transitions between sentences and paragraphs. Connective words and phrases could be used more effectively to ensure a smooth flow of ideas.
task achievement
Expand the discussion by giving more specific and varied examples. Adding data or real-life case studies would strengthen your points and make your response more impactful.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-constructed and present a clear perspective on the topic.
task achievement
The essay includes relevant specific examples, such as the impact of online classes during the pandemic and the study by the World Health Organization.
coherence cohesion
You have clearly organized and supported your main points, making the essay easy to follow.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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