IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Nowadays some professionals such as doctors, lawyers and engineers are paid much higher than ordinary workers. What do you think of this trend? Are there any jobs which you think should offer higher salaries?

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The issue of whether some professions
such
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 as doctors, lawyers and engineers deserve more salary than other jobs has been a disputatious and contentious matter recently. It has been argued that some people believe these jobs must be
highly
Correct quantifier usage
more highly
show examples
 paid than ordinary workers. Personally, I totally agree with
this
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 opinion for several reasons which I will explain below. First of all, I think that the medical profession plays an integral role in our lives.
In other words
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, it is considered one of the most dangerous and risky jobs all over the world. Many doctors have been infected or died
as well as
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 their families
due to
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 the COVID-19 pandemic. Not only that but they do
also
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 some serious operations
such
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 as open heart surgery or kidney transplantation. Second of all, they spend most of their lives in hospitals and among books.
In addition
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 to being on call 24 hours away from their friends and relatives.Their social lives will be less energetic.
Furthermore
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, they must be up to date with the latest information and research to treat patients more effectively and ensure higher productivity. They should be fully focused and concentrated during their surgeries to avoid any mistakes that can happen.
For instance
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, if they give the patient the wrong medicine, it can lead to his death. In conclusion, I hope the government can raise awareness towards the importance of doctors and give them the highest salary
due to
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 their dedication and commitment. It is a great way to help the community in many aspects.

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task achievement
Consider adding more balance to your essay by discussing why some people might oppose high salaries for such professionals. It will provide a more comprehensive view.
coherence cohesion
Try to connect the ideas within the paragraphs more smoothly. Although your paragraphs are clear, transitions between ideas can enhance the flow.
task achievement
Ensure that all points in the essay relate back to the question. Some readers might expect more examples of other professions that could deserve high salaries.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-structured and clearly outline your opinion and the purpose of the essay.
task achievement
The essay provides specific examples, such as the role of doctors during the COVID-19 pandemic, which strengthens your argument.
task achievement
You maintain a focus on the topic throughout the essay, providing clear and logical reasons to support your opinion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Compensation
  • Expertise
  • Income disparity
  • Societal contribution
  • Automation
  • Scarcity
  • Market dynamics
  • Infrastructure
  • Professional ethics
  • Economic disparity
  • Undervalued
  • Meritocracy
  • Vocational skill
  • Job market
  • Wage gap
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