IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

The best way to reduce youth crimes is to educate their parents with parental skills. To what extent you agree or disagree?

#youth #crimes #parents #skills
Juvenile crime is always a controversial topic worldwide. Many people believe that the rate of teenage crime is related to
parents
’ manners and providing
parents
 with how to nourish their
children
 is the best solution to reduce juvenile delinquency. I totally agree with
this
 opinion First of all,
children
 with not fully developing mental faculties usually mimic their parent’s behaviour.
Therefore
parents
’ manners and behavior have an enormous impact on how their
children
 act. For that reason, teaching
parents
 the right way to control and guide their
children
 means that teenagers will gain an education from childhood.
Due to
 the fact that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
children
 spend almost time communicating and expose to mom and dad,
this
 solution will be effective as expected.
Thus
, despite there
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 many things have
influence
Wrong verb form
influenced
show examples
children
,
parents
’ effort is the most crucial
Furthermore
,
children
 who get involved in unlawful activities often lack of parent’s care. Many research shows that juvenile offenders often have a poor and hard childhood, they don’t have
chance
Correct article usage
a chance
show examples
 to gain education and care from their
parents
.
Children
 must go out to make money when they are too young makes them become potential criminals. For that reason, educating
parents
 ensures that they are responsible for the growth of their
children
 and that every child can get
equal
Correct article usage
an equal
show examples
 education role in reducing the juvenile offender rate To summarize, teaching
children
 is a long and complex process and not all
parents
 have enough experience to raise their
children
 properly.
Therefore
, training
parents
 is always the best method to reduce young criminals.
Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Provide more specific examples and evidence to support your points. Adding statistics, studies, or real-life examples can strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs to enhance the flow of ideas.
introduction conclusion present
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which gives a structured feel to the writing.
clear comprehensive ideas
The ideas presented are clear and comprehensive, showing a good understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • mandatory
  • equip
  • psychological
  • constructively
  • foster
  • empowered
  • isolated
  • escalation
  • multi-faceted approach
  • eradicate
  • peer influence
  • socio-economic status
What to do next:
Look at other essays: