IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

Many people think that parents should teach children how to behave. Others think that school is the best place to learn this Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #parents #children #school #place #discuss
Numerous individuals believe that
parents
 should teach their
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
 how to behave.Whilish others think that
school
 is the right
place
 to learn behaviour from.
This
 essay will
discusse
Correct your spelling
discuss
 both points of
views
Fix the agreement mistake
view
show examples
 of people who believe in
parents
Change noun form
parents'
parent's
show examples
 upbringing and who believe in
school
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 education. So on the upper
hand
Add a comma
hand,
show examples
 we have
believe
Fix the infinitive
to believe
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
parents
 who must teach their
kid
Fix the agreement mistake
kids
show examples
 how to behave in one or
other
Correct quantifier usage
another
show examples
 situations,which point of view
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 trust in
aswell
Correct your spelling
well
.Parental upbringing in
this
 case matters indeed,as
parents
Correct article usage
the parents
show examples
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 the
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
show examples
 who gave birth to their child and
responsible
Add a missing verb
are responsible
show examples
 for his
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
.
For
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
 individuals who
learnt
Correct your spelling
learn
show examples
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 from their
parents
 are much more restrained and responsible than the others.
On the other
hand
Add a comma
hand,
show examples
 we
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
believe that schools
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 the
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
show examples
 where minors should
be learned
Wrong verb form
learn
show examples
 how to behave.In
this
case
Add a comma
case,
show examples
school
 is considered as the
place
 to learn from,which is right,and
mean
Correct subject-verb agreement
means
show examples
 that teachers are the ones who should teach
chidren
Correct your spelling
children
 a way
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 behave.
Which
Correct pronoun usage
This
show examples
 is in my point of view completely wrong as pedagogues are minors
school
 subjects mentors only,and not
psyhologists
Correct your spelling
psychologists
 who should teach them how to behave correctly. In
Correct article usage
a nutshell
show examples
nutshell
Add a comma
nutshell,
show examples
 parental behaviour education is
right
Add an article
a right
the right
show examples
 and considerable way of
upbringing
Verb problem
raising
show examples
child
Correct article usage
a child
show examples
 in
behaviour
Correct article usage
a behaviour
show examples
 way,
while
school
 is not and should be regarded only as a
place
young
Rephrase
where young
show examples
 minds develop their
school related
Add a hyphen
school-related
show examples
 subjects.
Submitted by mexofors on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

grammar
Work on grammar and punctuation errors to improve clarity and fluency.
grammar
Ensure your sentences are well-structured and avoid run-on sentences to make the essay more readable.
coherence cohesion
Your essay should have a clear introduction and conclusion that summarize the main points effectively.
task achievement
Use specific examples and evidence to support your points rather than making general statements.
task achievement
You have presented both viewpoints as required by the essay task.
task achievement
Your main points are clear and relevant to the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: