IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the number of shops that closed and the number of new shops that opened in one country between 2011 and 2018

The graph below shows the number of shops that closed and the number of new shops that opened in one country between 2011 and 2018
#shops #country
The
linge
Correct your spelling
line
show examples
graph
 represents
quantity
Add an article
the quantity
a quantity
show examples
 of
shops
 which
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 closed and opened in
same
Change the article
the same
show examples
 country from 2011 to 2018. As can be seen from the
graph
 number of shop closures and openings between 2011-2018. In 2011
new
Change the adjective
newly
show examples
 opened
shops
 had the highest
point
 in the
graph
 and reached the lowest
point
 in 2018,
However
 closures
shops
 same
with
Change preposition
as
show examples
 opened
shops
 in 2011 had the highest
point
 in 2011
also
 in 2015 it reached the lowest
point
 in the
graph
. At the beginning of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
2011
new
Change the word
newly
show examples
 opened
shops
 had started with about 8500 and it had
big
Add an article
a big
show examples
 decrease and stopped
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
 4000, in 2012 after
that
Add a comma
that,
show examples
 it got
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
 increase in 2014 with approximately 6100
shops
.
During
Change preposition
From
show examples
 2014 to 2015 amount of
shops
 dropped to 4000 and stayed
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
same
Change the article
the same
show examples
 degree but in 2017 it had
very
Correct article usage
a very
show examples
 short stature
4100
Change preposition
of 4100
show examples
shops
.
Finally
Add a comma
Finally,
show examples
 in 2018 it
hag
Correct your spelling
had
show examples
 slightly
decrease
Wrong verb form
decreased
show examples
 and stopped with 3000
shops
. Amount of closed
shops
 was about 6500 in 2011 so in 2012 it had
steady
Add an article
a steady
show examples
 decrease and had 6000
shops
.Afterwards, in 2013 it had little growth and
stoped
Correct your spelling
stopped
show examples
 just about 7100
shops
.
In contrast
 after
growth
Add a comma
growth,
show examples
 it had
enormous
Correct article usage
an enormous
show examples
 decline until 2015 and stopped somewhere
about
Change preposition
around
show examples
 500
shops
.After
that
Add a comma
that,
show examples
 it got
gradual
Correct article usage
a gradual
show examples
 increase which
return
Wrong verb form
returned
show examples
 it to
his
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 mean and after
that
Add a comma
that,
show examples
 it
flactuated
Correct your spelling
fluctuated
fluctuates
 around 5000
shops
 between 2016-2018
Submitted by zerdeteacher2024 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Vocabulary: Replace the words graph, shops, point with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 4 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • trend
  • fluctuation
  • peak
  • decline
  • surge
  • stabilize
  • correlation
  • economic conditions
  • consumer behavior
  • technological advancements
  • urban development
  • employment
  • retail sector
What to do next:
Look at other essays: