IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages?

#museums #charge #admission #people
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When visiting different
museums
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,
people
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 often find out that the fee standards of
museums
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 are different, and many of them even
charge
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 for free. It is sometimes argued that
museums
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 should be free for
people
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 to visit. From my prospect, it will bring both advantages and disadvantages. On the upside, charging for free could make
museums
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 more attractive to
visitors
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 and even stimulate the tourism industry.
People
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 are becoming highly educated these days, and their tendency to tour somewhere education has increased.
However
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, the high charges of some
museums
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 have always been a barrier, stopping
people
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 from visiting them.
Consequently
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, if a
museum
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 becomes free of
charge
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,
people
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 will be more inclined to pay a visit.
For example
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, a family from a less well-off background is planning to go to a
museum
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, but they may hesitate in front of the door when seeing the high prices since they have to consider carefully the cost.
However
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, they would go straight into the
museum
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 if it’s free of
charge
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.
Furthermore
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, for a
museum
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, another benefit of being free is that the more
visitors
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 it has, the better its reputation will be. When a
museum
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 is worth a visit, tourists will spread out their experiences with their relatives and friends, and the
museum
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 will be more famous, attracting
visitors
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. On the downside,
governments
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 will need to provide more subsidies to
museums
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 for maintenance. Usually, the
charge
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 of admission of a
museum
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 is often used to maintain cultural relics kept in it and the
museum
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’s structure. When
museums
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 become free of
charge
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,
governments
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 have to find new means to provide
museums
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 with sufficient funds for maintenance,
such
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 as
increase
Replace the word
increased
show examples
subsidies.
Furthermore
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,
while
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museums
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 could attract more
visitors
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 as it’s free of
charge
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, maintenance spending increases. In consequence,
governments
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 need to spend more money on
museums
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. In conclusion, both conducive and detrimental effects could be brought when a
museum
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 is free of
charge
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. So
governments
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 should consider carefully whether the increase in tourists is what they need or the low cost of subsidies.
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task achievement
To improve your essay, it is important to have a clearer thesis statement in your introduction to explicitly state your stance or the main points that will be discussed. This will help to guide the reader better.
task achievement
Aim to develop each argument more thoroughly by including more specific examples or evidence to support your points. This will help in making your ideas more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Transition between paragraphs and ideas could be smoother by using more connecting phrases and ensuring each paragraph follows logically from the previous one.
coherence cohesion
Try to balance the discussion of advantages and disadvantages more evenly. For instance, if you list two advantages, try to list two disadvantages as well, to maintain a balanced discussion.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which helps in following the argument.
task achievement
You have provided relevant examples to illustrate your points, which strengthens your argument.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points discussed in the essay and offers a closing thought, which is good for coherence.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Admission fee
  • Revenue stream
  • Maintenance
  • Overcrowding
  • Commercialization
  • Cultural heritage
  • Diverse attendance
  • Community ownership
  • Access to culture
  • Visitor experience
  • Exhibit quality
  • Cultural mission
  • Reliance on funding
  • Government subsidies
  • Cultural accessibility
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