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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In some countries there are more young people choosing to enrol in work-based training instead of attending university. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #people #enrol #university #situation
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More youths are interested to join in vocational training rather than going to universities for a degree.
Although
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 there are some cons to
this
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 trend, the advantages are numerous and
this
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 essay specifically discusses a few pros and cons of the issue. Some people argue that
this
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 is a beneficial change, because it improves specific skills, as young people join the work-based learning. Focussed learning enables them to perform well on the job and makes them more productive.
For example
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, a fellow, who works in the IT sector, chooses artificial intelligence training
while
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 he is working.
Then
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 his skills are much more valuable and he gets progress in his career, as AI is a more demanded service. So one can easily say that it is advantageous to join occupational studies.
Furthermore
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, the employer
also
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 harvests the benefits of the training in terms of organisational output. Skilled workers improve productivity and
also
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 diminish the wastage of resources. Both of these lead to achieving the organisational goals.
For example
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, much research has shown that on-the-job training achieved more productivity than formal education.
On the other hand
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, some people argue that there are disadvantages to
this
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 development.The most predictable disadvantage is the loss of accreditation of
such
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 training. Fairness and uniformity will not be there if universities
are taken
Wrong verb form
take
show examples
 away their rights to control education.
This
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 will lead to corruption and favouritism.
For instance
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, companies only allow their favourites for the training and deserving youth will not get the opportunity. Despite these problems, one can still say that vocational training is beneficial. To Sum it up, one can easily argue that work-based education is advantageous because of the above-mentioned reasons, though some arguments are against it.
Submitted by krishnabalu1984 on

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task achievement
Your essay presents a well-rounded discussion on the topic. To further enhance your task response, consider adding a few more distinct examples or case studies to support your points. Also, address counter-arguments in more detail to strengthen your response.
coherence cohesion
While your essay is logically structured and flows well, you could improve coherence and cohesion by using more transition words and phrases. This will make the connection between your points even clearer.
general
Make sure to proofread your essay for minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasings. This will help in making your essay even more polished and professional.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction clearly states the topic and the purpose of your essay, which is excellent for setting the context.
task achievement
You effectively use relevant specific examples, like the one in the IT sector, to support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points of the essay and offers a clear stance on the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-based training
  • enrol
  • university
  • advantages
  • disadvantages
  • practical skills
  • experience
  • workforce
  • employment
  • earnings
  • opportunities
  • further education
  • theoretical knowledge
  • career options
  • exploitation
  • balance
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