IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people say that the government should stop TV and Newspaper from showing crimes because media coverage of violent crimes is frightening people and encouraging criminals. Do you agree or disagree with the statement?

#people #government #tv #newspaper #crimes #media #coverage #criminals
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Whilst several individuals state that authorities are obliged to terminate displaying violent content through media outlets
due to
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 an adverse impact on society which can be acknowledged whether as an intimidation or inclining
people
Use synonyms
 to the same actions, some
people
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 do not consider it as so,
Thus
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, I partially agree to the statement primarily because
news
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 reports assert not only a negative perspective but
also
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 a salvation for
people
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 who are in need. To commence with, the overwhelming evidence that reflects the positive value of receiving
news
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 is preventing violent extremism and terrorism that aim to undermine the most vulnerable groups
such
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 as women and teenagers. At
this
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 point,
news
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 coverage is a cornerstone for upholding stability within society via awareness proliferation.
For example
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, a myriad quantity of refugees could flee owing to a local television alert in Sirya wartime in 2024, where the government was confined to facilitate ordinary
people
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 because of its war.
Nonetheless
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, from the dark side, I frankly disagree that media spreading possesses solely merits owing to loads of emerged occurrences of intrusive thoughts during and after the COVID-19 pandemic. In alignment with the United Nations statistics, in the aftermath of COVID-19,
people
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 are inclined to feel intensive and nerve-racked
due to
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 repetitive negative
news
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 narratives nourishing the perpetual circle of pessimistic thinking. To recap the aforementioned, I can presume that it is two sides of the same coin because of the ineffable opportunity of media to save
people
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's lives by serving as an alert but meanwhile shattering
people
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's mental health with negative narratives.
Submitted by kirkagoglesmail on

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Task Achievement
Ensure that your argument is clearly presented and easily identifiable. Consider making your stance in the introduction more direct.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use a range of cohesive devices effectively, such as connectors, to further improve the logical flow of ideas.
Introduction and Conclusion
Your essay introduction effectively outlines the main points you will discuss in the body.
Task Achievement
You have included relevant and specific examples to support your arguments, such as the reference to Syrian refugees and COVID-19 impacts.
Coherence and Cohesion
Each paragraph of your essay has a specific focus, contributing to the overall logical structure of your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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