IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that media have the right to publish details of people's private lives, while others think it should be controlled. Discuss both views.

#people #media #right #lives
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In the contemporary era, a fierce debate is happening between folks who think that social
apps
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 have the
right
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 to share their
users
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'
information
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 and private lives, and those who reckon
this
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 requires some limits. From my perspective, it is essential to set boundaries for
this
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 action.
This
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 essay will examine both points of view and provide my own opinion. Nations who support media
apps
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 to share people's private activities put one argument which is that these applications alert their
users
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 with
this
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 action in the terms and conditions page which appears after creating an
account
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. To illustrate, when someone decides to sign up on one of these platforms, the
account
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 will not be created until he/she accepts the terms and conditions of
this
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 app. And once they accept that
,
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apply
show examples
 the platform has the
right
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 to
use
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 whatever
this
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 user uploads.
On the other hand
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, others claim that media have a limited
right
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 to
use
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 the user's private data. All
users
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 are chosen between two choices before setting up an
account
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, either to have a public
account
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 or a private one. So, they think that choose having a private
account
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 does not give these
apps
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 the
right
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 to distribute their user's
information
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.
For instance
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, private
account
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 owners do not desire to share their private details on the Internet, so they have the
right
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 to report any illegal
use
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 of their data.
To conclude
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,
this
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 topic has a fierce ongoing debate;
nevertheless
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, in my opinion, I feel that
users
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'
information
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 should be secured by these
apps
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. And
also
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 to impose punishments for those who steal others'
information
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 and
use
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 it in an inappropriate way.
Submitted by mariameissa23 on

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task achievement
Your essay successfully introduces and concludes the topic, and it effectively covers both points of view as required. However, consider expanding the examples used to better illustrate the points made. Provide specific instances or studies to enhance the relevance and support for each argument.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is generally logically structured, and the main points are well connected. However, to improve further, ensure that each paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence and transitions smoothly between ideas. This will help to enhance the overall coherence and make your argument more persuasive.
task achievement
You clearly state both sides of the argument and provide a balanced discussion, which is key for task achievement. Well done!
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are both strong and serve their purposes effectively, guiding the reader through the argument and summarizing the main points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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