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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In most countries, prison is the most common ~Solution when people commit a crime. However, if they were to receive better education, it Could prevent them from becoming criminals. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In most societies, imprisonment is the primary response to
crime
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.
However
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, some argue that better
education
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 could serve as a more effective preventive measure.
While
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 incarceration is necessary for maintaining law and order, I strongly believe that
education
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 plays a crucial role in reducing
crime
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rates
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 and should be prioritized as a long-term solution.
To begin
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 with,
education
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instills
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instils
show examples
 moral values, critical thinking skills, and opportunities for personal growth, all of which deter
individuals
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 from engaging in criminal activities. Studies have consistently shown that higher literacy
rates
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 and access to quality
education
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 correlate with lower
crime
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rates
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.
This
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 is because
education
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 provides
individuals
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 with legitimate career opportunities, reducing the likelihood of resorting to illegal means for survival.
For instance
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, countries with strong educational systems,
such
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 as Finland and Japan, have notably low
crime
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rates
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 compared to those where
education
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 is less accessible.
Furthermore
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,
education
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 can be an effective tool for rehabilitation. Many
individuals
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 who commit crimes do so
due to
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 socioeconomic hardships, lack of guidance, or poor decision-making skills. By offering educational programs within prisons, inmates can acquire skills that increase their chances of reintegration into society upon release.
This
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 not only reduces recidivism but
also
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 alleviates the financial burden on the justice system.
In contrast
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, punitive measures alone often fail to address the root causes of criminal
behavior
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behaviour
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, leading to a cycle of reoffending. That being said, imprisonment remains necessary for
individuals
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 who pose a serious threat to society,
such
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 as violent criminals or repeat offenders.
However
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, relying solely on incarceration is a short-term solution that does not address the underlying social and economic factors that contribute to
crime
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. A balanced approach—where
education
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 is emphasized both as a preventive measure and a rehabilitative tool—would be far more effective in fostering a safer and more just society. In conclusion,
while
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 prison is an essential component of the justice system,
education
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 serves as a powerful deterrent to
crime
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 and should be prioritized. Investing in
education
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 not only prevents
crime
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 but
also
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 promotes long-term social stability, making it a far more sustainable solution than incarceration alone.

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task achievement
Consider providing more concrete examples or statistics in some arguments to strengthen your points.
coherence and cohesion
To enhance coherence, use more varied linking words or phrases in your paragraphs to clearly guide the reader through your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Your argument is well-structured, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task achievement
Your ideas are presented clearly and are very relevant to the topic, demonstrating a strong understanding of the prompt.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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