IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that exercise is the key to health. Others feel that having a balanced diet is more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #exercise #health #diet
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Although
 it is considered by some that exercising is the best way to improve health, there are others who think that it is better to have a balanced
diet
. In my opinion, I believe that taking on regular exercise and having a balanced
diet
 are essential for human bodies. On the one hand, many think it is healthier for most
people
 to do exercises if they want to build healthy bones and muscles.
In other words
, when individuals work out regularly, they will burn more calories, which reduces fat and cholesterol in their blood.
Also
,
such
 a lifestyle can prevent humans from getting dangerous diseases
such
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 cardiovascular diseases, high blood pressure, and obesity.
On the other hand
,
according to
 some, having a balanced
diet
 is the solution to being healthy. To illustrate, human bodies require a stable food system containing vitamins and minerals to help them maintain health.
Moreover
, if
people
 rely on healthy food, they can decrease their exposure to obesity.
This
 is because they consume food that has less fat and carbohydrates. To exemplify, fruits, vegetables, and
fiber
Change the spelling
fibre
show examples
 fuel
people
 longer.
As a result
, eating fatty and sugary foods will be discouraged.
Finally
, in my view, the relationship between exercise and
diet
 is symbiotic.
While
 exercising boosts metabolism and fitness, a balanced
diet
 ensures that the body gets the necessary nutrients.
In addition
,
people
 often find that the benefits of doing sports are more effective than
diet
, but they complement each other. In short,
although
people
 vary their opinions, I consider that not only exercise is important, but
also
 following a
diet
 is equally significant.
Submitted by s_syedy on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Consider providing more specific, real-world examples to illustrate your points more effectively. This will strengthen the arguments made.
task achievement
Make sure to fully elaborate on how each main point supports your overall argument. This could involve adding more details or explanations.
coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence, ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Using transitional phrases can help achieve this.
task achievement
The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic and provides a balanced view on both exercise and a balanced diet.
coherence cohesion
The structure of the essay is logical, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Main points are effectively supported with relevant details, making the argument clear and comprehensive.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cardiovascular health
  • Metabolism
  • Chronic diseases
  • Immune system
  • Mental well-being
  • Nutrients
  • Malnutrition
  • Obesity
  • Type 2 diabetes
  • Circulation
  • Nutrient distribution
  • Preventive health
  • Energy levels
  • Balanced diet
  • Essential nutrients
What to do next:
Look at other essays: