IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some countries have become much richer than others. Richer countries should now help poorer countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

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The current global economic imbalance leads to a huge economic gap between rich and poor countries. Some people think that developing
nations
Use synonyms
 should help the developed ones, economically, socially and politically. Through
this
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 essay, I will explain my opinion that strongly agrees with
this
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 statement.
Firstly
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, helping other
nations
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 economically that have a low income per capita might positively impact social stability and security. Indeed, it might reduce the income difference resulting in a lower poverty and criminal rate. As the gap will trigger social jealousy from low-class people,
therefore
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 might end up with a high criminal rate. Evidenced by the World Bank data shows that a country that has a high criminal rate mostly comes from very poor places.
Lastly
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, in the political aspect, cooperation with several
nations
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 might strengthen diplomatic alliances and hopefully protect from resource scarcity or threats if there is any political tension
such
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 as a trade war.
Furthermore
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, the alliances are not only in the form of resources but
also
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 in other things
such
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 as knowledge and technology, which will benefit both parties by developing inventions to create a better economic scale.
For instance
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, protectionist policies that have been announced lately by several
nations
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 might lead to skyrocketing prices of electronics in the USA, as most of them are manufactured in cheap labour places like China, which currently experiencing intense political tension with the USA. In conclusion, being helpful to other countries might improve the social and economic stability of the world
such
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 as reducing the criminal and poverty rates,
as well as
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 creating a strong bond with others.
Hence
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, it brings good harmony to human life to live in peace and safety.

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task achievement
Ensure that the argument is clearly framed within the context of the essay prompt. Consider more thoroughly addressing the viewpoint that wealthier countries should help poorer ones rather than implying that the poorer nations could help wealthier ones.
coherence
Introduce clearer transitions between the main points in your body paragraphs to enhance coherence. This will guide the reader more smoothly through your argument.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples or statistics to support your claims, particularly regarding the economic benefits of rich countries helping poorer countries.
task achievement
The essay has a clear stance and presents arguments that are relevant to the prompt.
coherence
Logical flow is generally maintained, with organized paragraphs and an overall structure that is easy to follow.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial assistance
  • technological assistance
  • economic gap
  • basic needs
  • healthcare
  • education
  • infrastructure
  • global stability
  • diplomatic relations
  • global cooperation
  • dependency
  • self-sufficiency
  • strings attached
  • political decisions
  • economic decisions
  • sovereignty
  • tension
  • mismanagement
  • corruption
  • intended purpose
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