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Band 4.5

Some people think that children should be taught to be competitive in school .other , however , say that cooperation and team working skills are more important .discuss both side of this argument and give your own opinion.

#people #children #school #cooperation #team #skills #side #argument
As some individuals
provides
Change the verb form
provide
show examples
 a positive reaction to
competiton
Correct your spelling
competition
 in our daily life assuming its beneficial drawbacks,others highly doubt it by suggesting cooperation
instead
 of regular competition with which
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 agree.
To begin
 with,I would like to highlight the proportion of regular competition individuals face very often,
for instance
 in
work
 or
educationla
Correct your spelling
educational
education
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
such
 as schools.
Such
 a high amount of
stress
 everywhere in an
enviroment
Correct your spelling
environment
 around us will produce higher
stress
 which can lead to
such
a
Correct article usage
apply
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unpositive emotions as anger or tiredness.
Moreover
,
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 outcome like
this
 is most likely to be a main problem for our level of accomplishment and task
achivement
Correct your spelling
achievement
.As for others,
this
 type of approach might be motivational not everyone would agree on that including me. As regards to cooperation idea,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 find it highly useful and motorical.Working in teams could reduce
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
stress
 and
work
 in companies or school projects by saving time and task completing with high quality. It’s evident that the higher the number of participators
there
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is the rapid growth in
work
 there will be
due to
 its comfortability
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
great communication skills involvement in big teams. I am positive that the less
stress
 there will be
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
peoples
Change noun form
people's
show examples
lifes
Correct your spelling
lives
show examples
 and
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
,the more quality
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
show examples
 they could produce. To summarize, the cooperation suggestion is more reasonable and beneficial
due to
 its less
stress
 and time going on. When
in
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the other hand I find
Correct article usage
the competition
show examples
competition
Replace the word
competitive
show examples
 approach most likely to not
work
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people and find it less great
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
task
Correct article usage
the task
show examples
 achievements category.
Submitted by momokani on

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conclusion present
Work on summarizing and clearly restating your main points in the conclusion to help reinforce your argument.
supported main points
Develop your main points with more specific examples and explanations. This will make your essay more compelling and easier to follow.
logical structure
Ensure your ideas are presented in a clear and logical order. This will help improve the overall readability of your essay.
clear comprehensive ideas
Provide more specific and clear explanations in your body paragraphs. For instance, provide examples of how cooperation in schools can lead to better outcomes.
introduction present
Your introduction clearly presents both sides of the argument, setting a good foundation for the rest of your essay.
complete response
You express a clear preference for cooperation over competition, which helps maintain a consistent argument throughout your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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