Some people say the government should give healthcare the first priority, some others believe there are more important priorities to spend taxer’s money. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #government #healthcare #first #priority #priorities #taxer’s #money

To develop a

country

, there are many things the

government

should take care of. Politicians need to set laws and inspect each usage of tax money to make the

country

better. Citizens'

healthcare

is very important, but other

policies

might be more crucial.

This

essay discusses both sides of the argument and examines the pros and cons of these

policies

Firstly

, take my

country

as an example;

Taiwan

is famous for its

healthcare

insurance. People can afford the fees for seeing a doctor. Even overseas Taiwanese would rather fly thousands of miles to

Taiwan

than have surgery in a local hospital in a foreign

country

. I believe

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

healthcare

insurance greatly benefits every Taiwanese, allowing our

country

to focus on developing its economy.

However

this

excellent insurance system

also

puts

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

colossal pressure on our finances. Some professors warn that the

government

is now facing a deficit because of it.

Therefore

, we should consider the priority of applying

healthcare

Change preposition

for healthcare

show examples

In contrast

besides

healthcare

policy,

Taiwan

is now facing an enormous threat from mainland China. They have more than thousands of missiles and rockets aimed at

Taiwan

to frighten its people.

Thus

, the best solution is

strengthening

Change the verb form

to strengthen

show examples

national

defense

Change the spelling

defence

show examples

However

, the budget for national

defense

Change the spelling

defence

show examples

only covers 3% of the GDP, which is quite low. Most of the weapons need to be upgraded immediately. Our

government

should take

this

seriously. In conclusion, setting laws or

policies

that cover different requirements of the people is very challenging.

Healthcare

and national

defense

Change the spelling

defence

show examples

both play important roles in our society. Without these

policies

, we might face serious problems. Both the

government

and individuals should ensure that taxpayers' money is spent efficiently. In my opinion,

while

healthcare

is vital, the current geopolitical situation necessitates a greater focus on national

defense

Change the spelling

defence

show examples

Submitted by aa0963178783 on Mon Jul 22 2024

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task achievement

Ensure that all main points are fully expanded with sufficient examples and explanations. For instance, discussing the financial implications of healthcare further could enhance the argument.

coherence cohesion

Though the essay is well-organized, ensure seamless transitions between paragraphs to further improve the flow. Additionally, linking more closely to your thesis in each paragraph can strengthen cohesion.

task achievement

The essay presents a thorough and balanced discussion of both viewpoints, with a clear stance in the conclusion.

coherence cohesion

The logical structure of the essay is strong, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct idea related to the main topic.

task achievement

The use of relevant and specific examples, such as Taiwan's healthcare system and national defense concerns, effectively supports the main points.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
6Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

295 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people say the government should give healthcare the first priority, some others believe there are more important priorities to spend taxer’s money. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

In some countries, celebrities earn higher salaries than senior politicians. What are the reasons? Is it a negative or positive development?

Some people think that parents should teach their children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the best place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Many museums charge for admission while orthers are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people say that playing games can be bad for children. Others say that playing computer games can have positive effects on the way children develop. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Many people are doing their shopping on the internet nowadays. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of shopping online.