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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Without capital punishment (the death penalty) our lives are less secure and crimes of violence increase. Capital punishment is essential to control violence in society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion

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The debate over the necessity of capital
punishment
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 in maintaining societal security and reducing violent
crime
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 is a contentious issue.
While
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 proponents argue that it serves as a deterrent and ensures
justice
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, opponents contend that it is inhumane and ineffective. I completely disagree with the notion that capital
punishment
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 is essential for controlling violence in society.
Firstly
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, the deterrence effect of capital
punishment
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 is highly debatable. In fact, empirical studies have produced mixed results regarding its effectiveness in reducing
crime
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 rates.
For instance
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, some countries with capital
punishment
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,
such
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 as the United States, still experience high levels of violent
crime
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 compared to countries without it, like Canada or several European nations.
This
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 suggests that factors other than the death penalty,
such
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 as socioeconomic conditions, law enforcement efficiency, and
overall
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 criminal
justice
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 policies, play more significant roles in
crime
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 reduction.
Secondly
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, the irreversible nature of capital
punishment
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 raises moral and ethical concerns, especially given the possibility of wrongful convictions. It is undeniable that instances of exonerations in various countries highlight the fallibility of the
justice
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 system.
In other words
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, the execution of an innocent person is a grave miscarriage of
justice
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 that undermines the integrity of the legal system and diminishes public trust.
Moreover
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, there are effective alternatives to capital
punishment
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 that can ensure public safety and
justice
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. Life imprisonment without parole,
for example
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, incapacitates dangerous offenders without resorting to execution.
Therefore
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,
this
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 approach allows for the possibility of rehabilitation and reformation, aligning with more humane principles of
justice
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. In conclusion,
while
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 capital
punishment
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 might offer a sense of retribution, its effectiveness in controlling violence is questionable, and its ethical implications are profound. Society should focus on comprehensive
crime
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 prevention strategies, including improving socioeconomic conditions, enhancing law enforcement capabilities, and ensuring a fair and efficient
justice
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 system. These measures are likely to contribute more effectively to societal security and the reduction of violent
crime
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 than capital
punishment
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.

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task achievement
You have provided a strong introduction and conclusion which clearly lay out your stance on the issue. To enhance task achievement, make sure to incorporate more varied and specific examples or statistics to bolster your arguments further.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is coherent and logically structured. Each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next, making your argument easy to follow. However, using additional linking phrases or transition words could further solidify the connections between your points.
task achievement
You have effectively addressed all parts of the task, giving a complete response to the prompt. Your arguments are clear and well-organized.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion both succinctly encapsulate your position, providing a strong framework for your essay.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are supported by logical reasoning and some specific examples, which enhance the persuasiveness of your essay.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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