In some countries married couples plan to have a baby at a later age due to the demands of their professional career. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of it and give your opinion.

In modern times, there is a trend for married couples to plan to have a baby after achieving their professional career goals.
This
trend can have significant implications, both positive and negative, on society and individual families. One advantage of delaying parenthood is that it allows individuals to focus on their careers and personal development.
For instance
, in countries like South Korea, companies
such
as Samsung, LG, and Kia invest heavily in developing their employees' skills and providing cutting-edge technologies.
This
investment in human resources can create global leaders who contribute significantly to their companies and the nation.
However
, the time required for
this
professional development can lead young adults to postpone having children.
On the other hand
, delaying childbirth can create demographic challenges. Governments worldwide are concerned with maintaining a stable population. When young people delay starting families to focus on their careers, it can lead to a declining birth rate, which may affect the national workforce and economic competitiveness.
This
demographic shift can pose long-term challenges for society. In my opinion, finding a balance between professional growth and maintaining a stable population is crucial. Governments and individuals must work together to address
this
issue. Policies that support work-life balance,
such
as parental leave and flexible working hours, can help young adults achieve their career goals
while
also
starting families. In conclusion,
while
there are benefits to delaying parenthood for career reasons, it is essential for governments to create supportive environments that encourage young people to have children. By fostering open communication and a sense of community,
this
issue can be addressed effectively.
Submitted by jsy4893 on

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task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt effectively, discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of delaying parenthood. However, to achieve a higher score, provide more specific examples to back up your main points. For instance, mention specific policies from countries that successfully balance career and family life.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, ensure that transitions between points are even smoother for a more cohesive read. Linking sentences could help in connecting ideas seamlessly.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with a strong introduction and conclusion, which frames the discussion well.
coherence cohesion
Main points are logically developed, and the arguments are clear and well-organized.
task achievement
The task is addressed effectively, presenting both sides of the argument, which shows a good understanding of the topic.

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    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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