IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some children spend hours every day on their smart phones. Why is this, the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant example for your own knowledge or experience

#children #hours #phones #case #development
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
some
teens
 spend
long
Change the article
a long
show examples
time
 on their
smart
Correct your spelling
smartphones
show examples
phones
 daily.Well, there are
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of reasons and
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of
postive
Correct your spelling
positive
 and negative things
come
Correct pronoun usage
that come
show examples
 from
this
 action.In my opinion
this
 is totally negative because it has
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of
darwbacks
Correct your spelling
drawbacks
such
 as
affects
Replace the word
effects
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their brain and
they
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 way of thinking and
no
Correct your spelling
not
show examples
 to forget that will
dicrease
Correct your spelling
decrease
increase
 their
real
Add a hyphen
real-life
show examples
life
 social
activite
Correct your spelling
activities
. On the one hand,There are
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of reasons for
this
 sort of action.First of
all
Add a comma
all,
show examples
 they find that
smart
Correct your spelling
smartphones
show examples
phones
 as sort of entertainment , joy and delight.
Moreover
,
smart
Correct your spelling
smartphones
show examples
phones
 have
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of
programes
Correct your spelling
programmes
programs
 that attract children
such
 as
instgram
Correct your spelling
Instagram
, tiktok , X and youtube and because of
this
teens
more
Add a missing verb
are more
show examples
 likely to spend
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of
time
 on
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
.
In addition
,some kids have
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
a real life problem
real life problems
show examples
real
Add a hyphen
real-life
show examples
life
 problems so they want to run
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
and the best way
for doing
Change preposition
to do
show examples
this
 is by
smart
Correct your spelling
smartphones
show examples
phones
.
On the other hand
,
althoug
Correct your spelling
although
this
 action can be useful in some ways but
it's
Correct your spelling
its
show examples
 negative
imapct
Correct your spelling
impact
 is
biger
Change the word
bigger
show examples
 and more likely to be seen.
Forexamble
Correct your spelling
For example
,spending
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of
time
 on
smart
Correct your spelling
smartphones
show examples
phones
 by
teens
 will not only affect their brain in general but
also
 will extend to their way of thinking. when
teens
 spend
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of
time
 on
smart
Correct your spelling
smartphones
show examples
phones
 that will
affcet
Correct your spelling
affect
 their real social
life
 because if we say that they have friends
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they are more likely to be E-friends
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 will improve their internet social
life
 but
also
 will destroy the real one. To
coclude
Correct your spelling
conclude
 we can say that,
smart
Correct your spelling
smartphones
show examples
phones
 have a huge impact
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 youths and to see that impact they should maintain their
time
.
Submitted by yousefreyad55 on

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coherence
Your essay needs a clearer structure. Try to introduce each main point more distinctly in its own paragraph.
coherence
Make sure to fully develop your ideas. You mentioned that smartphone use can be seen as a form of entertainment and escape, but it would be better to expand on these points with further examples or explanations.
coherence
Your introduction and conclusion are present, but they should be more detailed and better connected to the body of your essay. Make sure the conclusion summarizes the main points discussed.
task achievement
It would be helpful to include more specific and relevant examples to illustrate your points. For example, you can include statistics or personal anecdotes as evidence.
coherence
Some sentences are run-on and can be broken down for clarity. Make sure your ideas are clearly articulated and easy to follow.
task achievement
You need to provide a balanced viewpoint in the discussion. Mention the positives and negatives equally to show a well-rounded argument.
task achievement
You did a good job of identifying both positive and negative aspects of smartphone use among teenagers.
task achievement
Your essay touches on important and relevant points about the impact of smartphone use on social life and cognitive development.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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