IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

These days, many people are shopping online instead of going to local stores. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend?

#people #stores #trend
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
With the development of cutting-edge technology, more and more individuals tend to purchase online rather than visit nearby retailers. There are some benefits and drawbacks of
this
 problem. On the one hand, online shopping will help shoppers save a lot of
time
 and effort. They can continuously view different items and
stores
 in a short period of
time
. Unlike conventional shopping, they have to spend a lot of
time
 moving between
stores
 scattered across the city or even not located in the city they live in. Even the worst situation is that
customers
 cannot find their
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
show examples
 products after spending a long
time
.
Besides
, items sold in virtual
stores
 are often considered cheaper than physical
stores
. The main reason is that store owners can reduce a large amount of capital when they do not have to hire too many employees or premises.
As a result
,
customers
 not only have more choices but
also
 more economical options and of course, they will prefer to shop online.
For example
, there is a popular online shopping platform in Vietnam called Shopee, where people can find many items from everywhere domestically or internationally. To make themselves more competitive, store owners
Add the comma(s)
, as well as platforms,
show examples
as well as
 platforms implement many methods
such
 as
livestreams
Correct your spelling
live streams
,
vouchers
Correct word choice
and vouchers
show examples
, .... to make and that makes the prices of products extremely cheap.
On the other hand
, online shopping still carries certain risks.
To begin
 with,
customers
 cannot determine the authenticity of the product.
Instead
 of looking directly and choosing carefully when shopping in person,
customers
 tend to be attracted by low prices and sparkling model images on shopping platforms and quickly buy them.
Consequently
, the products are not as described or worse, they are useless.
For instance
,
also
 on the Shopee platform, there were many people complaining because they could not buy the product they wanted.
Moreover
, the operation of online shopping is often quite complex and has many stakeholders: shopping platforms, sellers, transporters and
customers
. At that
time
, transaction control
also
becomes
Wrong verb form
became
show examples
 more complicated. Many problems that arise can be from many people, even from annoying
customers
 who want to cause trouble.
To sum up
, the development of online shopping is really a good sign,
however
, it still has many downsides that need to be resolved in the future.
Submitted by nguyenminhan.headoflion on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure that each main idea is fully developed and supported with relevant and specific examples. This will help to clarify and strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. Use more transitional phrases to guide the reader through your essay.
task achievement
Be careful with over-generalizations and ensure that your arguments are balanced, addressing both sides of the discussion equally.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion effectively frame the essay, providing a clear overview of the main points discussed.
task achievement
The essay presents a well-rounded view of the topic, discussing both advantages and disadvantages of online shopping.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: