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Band 5

Some university student want to learn about other subject in addition to their main subjects. Other believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to study for a qualification. Discuss both view and give your opinion

#university #student #addition #subjects #time #attention #study #qualification
Growing interest in
subjects
 in
university
 has been highlighted over the past decades. From
this
 aspect, some opine that
university
students
 want to learn about other
subjects
in addition
 to their main
subjects
 but others hold the view that it is more important to give all their time and attention to
study
Wrong verb form
studying
show examples
 for a qualification.
This
 essay will explore both views and
then
 my personal opinion will be suggested. It is pointed out that
university
students
 want to acquire
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
other modules
in addition
 to their main module. Proponents of
this
 argument suggest that an expansion in academic knowledge occurs.
This
 is because
students
 take part in additional
subjects'
Change noun form
subjects
show examples
 classes and are more likely to master a wide range of academic education compared to those who focus on
main
Change the article
the main
show examples
 subject. What is more, a majority of companies extremely prefer those who learn various
subjects
 as equited abundant knowledge.
This
,
therefore
, brings about
to gain
Verb problem
apply
show examples
good job
opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
show examples
 for their future career.
Nevertheless
, some opponents insist that devoting
students
' time and attention to
study
Wrong verb form
studying
show examples
 for a qualification is more significant.
although
 the difficulties of focusing on
specific
Add an article
a specific
show examples
 subject cannot be overlooked,
students
 highly experience advantages. A pertinent example of
this
 is that they are required to concentrate on specific module studies without
distruption
Correct your spelling
disruption
disrupting
 other modules.
This
 obviously leads them to invest sufficient time and effort and
this
 in turn encourages
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
an improvement in academic
performances
Fix the agreement mistake
performance
show examples
. To recapitulate, I believe that
university
students
 want to learn about other
subjects
in addition
 to their main subject
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because an expansion in academic knowledge occurs and a majority of companies extremely prefer those who learn various
subjects
.
Thus
,
university
students
 should
be strive
Change the verb form
strive
show examples
 to study additional
subjects
 and
then
 they would be hired
a
Change preposition
for a
show examples
better condition of job
Submitted by subin12260 on

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task achievement
The essay addresses both views on whether university students should focus on additional subjects besides their main subjects or dedicate all their time to qualifying in their chosen field. However, the essay could benefit from including more specific examples and evidence to support the main points.
task achievement
There should be a greater effort towards linguistic accuracy. Ensure consistent use of articles and prepositions, and verify correct verb forms. For example, replace 'equited abundant knowledge' with 'acquired abundant knowledge'.
coherence cohesion
Improving the transition between ideas will enhance coherence. Use linking phrases like 'In addition,' 'However,' or 'Therefore' more strategically to guide the reader through your argument.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences are unclear due to awkward phrasing. Try to simplify complex sentences to ensure clarity and avoid ambiguity. For instance, rephrase 'This obviously leads them to invest sufficient time and effort and this in turn encourages to an improvement in academic performances' for improved clarity.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction clearly outlines the topic and presents both sides of the argument, which is excellent for setting up the essay's discussion.
introduction conclusion present
Your conclusion summarizes the points effectively and presents a clear personal opinion, which is crucial for a well-rounded essay.
supported main points
The essay presents a balanced discussion of both views, showing a fair understanding of each perspective. This balanced approach is crucial for scoring well in IELTS writing.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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