When a new town is planned, it is more important to develop public parks and sport facilitates than shopping centers for people to spend their free time in. Agree or disagree?
People
have different views as to whether it is more essential to establish public parks
and sports facilities rather than shopping malls for individuals for their leisure activities
. In my perspective, despite the fact that there are benefits of building public parks
and sports facilities in a new town
before others, I firmly believe that improving shopping centres brings about many more benefits to society.
On the one hand, it is commonly argued that public parks
and sports facilities provide advantages in three aspects. The first contributing factor is that it promotes good health as having those places can encourage people
to engage in physical activities
rather than sedentary activities
. Another point to be mentioned is about an aesthetic appeal. To be more precise, public parks
could make a city more attractive and beautiful, persuading people
to live and spend valuable times
there. Fix the agreement mistake
time
Lastly
, it also
affects biodiversity and the environment in positive ways as growing trees can be inhabitants for many birds and reduces carbon dioxide.
On the other hand
, there are two main reasons why a new town
should build shopping malls before. Firstly
, it enhances the economy of a town
. For instance
, residents will go out shopping, creating cash flows in society, which is a crucial mechanism for a new town
to grow. Moreover
, it also
generates job opportunities in a town
, reducing the unemployment rate in the community. Consequently
, if people
have work to do, then
it automatically reduces their motivation to commit criminal activities
.
In conclusion, although
there are some positives towards this
approach of developing public parks
, I am convinced that shopping centres should be built first,
especially in a new town
.Submitted by pandin21 on
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coherence cohesion
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coherence cohesion
Main points are well-supported with relevant arguments. This demonstrates good reasoning and helps to substantiate your stance on the topic.
task achievement
Your ideas are clear and comprehensive, making it easy for the reader to follow and understand your argument. This is an essential criterion and you have performed well here.
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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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