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Band 5.5

In many parts of the world, there is not enough food for everyone. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

#parts #world #food
In various parts of the world, there is not adequate
food
 for everyone.
This
 essay will elaborate
some
Change preposition
on some
show examples
 of the causes and
also
 provide solutions with a suitable conclusion. One of the main causes is poverty.
Money
 is needed to buy
food
as well as
 to grow vegetables and
plethora
Correct article usage
a plethora
show examples
 of staple crops in our kitchen garden or fields. Those who are equipped with
money
 and wealth do not have to worry about hunger whilst those who have low earnings or with no cash at all suffer a lot.
Similarly
, rich countries like China can easily import
food
whereas
 it is hardly possible for poor countries like Sri Lanka. The news in the Himalayan Times on 23rd July shows many people in Manang village of Nepal face the serious problem of
food
 shortage
due to
 lack of
money
. Another problem is the land for cultivation
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 changing into the areas for urbanisation .
The
Correct article usage
An
show examples
 increasing number of people are building their houses
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fertile land.
On
Change preposition
In
show examples
 contrast, agricultural products are decreasing.
As a result
,there are more consumers and less suppliers. In order to get rid of these problems, the country's economy should be uplifted by using the available resources wisely and providing job opportunities to all as per their skills.
Also
, the growing population should be controlled by encouraging people to have small
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
 as
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
was introduced in China. To summarise, everyone is not receiving
proper
Add an article
the proper
show examples
 amount of
food
 because of difficulties like
money
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 and not enough
food
 production.
Therefore
, the government and
it's
Replace the word
its
show examples
 citizens should have knowledge
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 how to control
high
Add an article
the high
show examples
 birth rate, every member should work to earn
money
 and so on.
Submitted by raialon4047 on

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coherence cohesion
To improve the logical structure of the essay, ensure that each paragraph seamlessly connects to the next. For example, use linking words and phrases effectively.
task achievement
Offering additional, specific examples could further clarify your points. Perhaps mention specific agricultural policies or more varied global examples.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction and conclusion are clearly stated and provide a solid framework for the essay.
relevant specific examples
The essay contains relevant and specific examples, which support your main points well.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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