IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

The best way to teach children to cooperate is through team sports at school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#children #team #sports #school
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In modern society, there is an ongoing debate about whether children can learn
cooperation
Use synonyms
 through
team
Use synonyms
sports
Use synonyms
 or not, with some people believing that the best way to study
cooperation
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 is
Use synonyms
team
Change preposition
through team
show examples
sports
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. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will argue and explain what
team
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 activities contribute to children.
To begin
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 with, I firmly believe that playing football teaches
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Add an article
the player
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player
Fix the agreement mistake
players
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 to trust
between
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apply
show examples
each other.
Additionally
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, by playing football, young people realise
cooperation
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 is the most important.
As a result
Linking Words
, children who take part in
this
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 sport are encouraged to
coopearate
Correct your spelling
cooperate
each
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with each
show examples
 other
while
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 game.
For example
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,
according to
Linking Words
 the National Statistics Office, numerous teenagers have acquired their ways to cooperate since they played football. On top of that, countless experts claim that a lot of
winer
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winter
 teams show better
cooperation
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 and trust than
other
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another team
other teams
show examples
team
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.
Furthermore
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, when young people play
team
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 activities, they should communicate how they play and ask other
play
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players
show examples
 to help. For these reasons, they learn about how to help
other
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others
show examples
 and
importance
Correct article usage
the importance
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 of
cooperation
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.
For instance
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, a recent survey has shown that many
students'moral
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students moral
 and
cooperatal
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cooperative
cooperated
cooperate
act
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acts
show examples
rose
Wrong verb form
have risen
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 by 30% point since schools introduced
teams
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teams'
team's
show examples
Use synonyms
sports
Correct word choice
and sports
show examples
program
Fix the agreement mistake
programs
show examples
. In my opinion, it is apparent that
teams
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team
show examples
sports
Use synonyms
 is the best way to acquire
cooperation
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.
This
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 is because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 they have to communicate and help each other
while
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 match. In conclusion,
while
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 it is undeniable that there are some advantages and disadvantages,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 playing
Use synonyms
team
Change preposition
in team
show examples
 activities
exert
Correct subject-verb agreement
exerts
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 a positive
influnce
Correct your spelling
influence
 on their growth.
Submitted by garim4645 on

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task achievement
Your essay does a good job of addressing the task prompt, but there are places where you can be more specific or detailed in your arguments. Additionally, try to present your ideas in a clearer, more organized manner to ensure that your main points stand out.
coherence cohesion
Work on maintaining a logical flow throughout the essay. Although you have a clear introduction and conclusion, some transitions between your main points and examples can be smoother. Consider using linking phrases to improve coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
The essay contains relevant examples that help to support your argument, such as the statistics and survey results you mentioned.
coherence cohesion
You have included an introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame your argument and provide closure for the reader.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cooperation
  • teamwork
  • communication
  • values
  • applied
  • aspects
  • belonging
  • camaraderie
  • participating
  • essential
  • social skills
What to do next:
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