IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Countries are becoming more and more similar because people are able to buy the same products anywhere in the world. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

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Nowadays,
globalization
Correct article usage
the globalization
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 process is developing and extending all over the
world
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.
Countries
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 are becoming more similar to each other
due to
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 the fact that anywhere in the
world
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 the same products are accessible. In my
opinion
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opinion,
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 it is a positive development.
Because thanks
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Thanks
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 to
this
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,
exchange
Correct article usage
the exchange
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 of goods and communication between nations exists and evolves.
Firstly
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, more and more products are becoming accessible in any part of the
world
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.
Countries
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 are exchanging with
diversity
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a diversity
the diversity
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 of useful
newcoming
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new-coming
, creative ideas and important developments for life.
Due to
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this
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, a lot of
countries
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 that may suffer from any scarcities or
epidemies
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epidemics
epidemic
, find remedies in
another
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another country
other countries
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countries
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.
For example
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, Kazakhstan needs more water resources, because the current ones are not sufficient today. If we didn’t have international trade with access to water, Kazakhstan would suffer from drought.
Secondly
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, during the trade, people enhance international
relationship
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relationships
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. They interact with foreigners and,
thus
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, people receive an opportunity to scrutinize other perspectives, approaches and in general the way people live.
This
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 facilitates peace
in
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on
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 the
world
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 stage and broadens our horizons so
as
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that
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 we
could
Wrong verb form
can
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 consider
other angle
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another angle
other angles
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 of view. In many cases it could be beneficial,
for instance
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, the treatment for the
Corona Virus
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coronavirus
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 was developed in
a
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the
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 cooperation of
USA
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the USA
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 and Germany.
To sum up
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, the availability of resources in all
countries
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 is a good development, because now we can cooperate and find a solution to any threat. In my opinion,
this
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 is an investment
to
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in
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 our commonwealth and prosperity. If earlier, we would have to travel to another country in order to survive and get amenities, now in most developed and developing
countries
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 all conditions have been created and most resources are available.

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task response
To strengthen your task response, ensure that your main points are consistently supported with clear examples. For instance, you mentioned that international trade helped Kazakhstan combat drought, but providing a bit more detail about how such trade works would be beneficial.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, try linking your paragraphs more explicitly. For instance, signing off a paragraph with a transitional phrase that introduces the next idea can help. This will make your essay flow more smoothly for the reader.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear and logical structure, beginning with an introduction that leads into well-organized body paragraphs and concludes with a strong summary.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are both clearly presented, offering a well-rounded response to the question posed.
task response
The main ideas in your essay are generally clear and well-developed, making your position on the topic easy to understand.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • globalization
  • diversity
  • homogenization
  • cultural assimilation
  • global connection
  • local businesses
  • economic impact
  • consumerism
  • standardization
  • westernization
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