IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to poorer countries rather than financial aid. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #money #poverty #aid
In
this
 day and age, it is thought that wealthy nations support money for poorer countries, but it does not address poverty.
As a result
, developed countries should provide practical help to developing countries. I totally agree with
this
 statement and reasons for my viewpoint will be mentioned in
this
 essay. On the one hand, there are various compelling reasons why financial support does not solve low income.
Firstly
, the first reason is that it does not reach out correct person, who should receive funds in order to improve their lives. The reason for
this
 is that it is used by corrupt governments, who often use it for their own purposes
such
 as purchasing cars and buildings.
In addition
, another reason is that economic aid does not address the root issue which includes education and infrastructure.
This
 is attributed to the fact that lacking basic training leads to the young generation who finds it tough to find some job opportunities in the future.
On the other hand
,
instead
 of donating cash, it is better to invest in the schooling system of weak nations.
As a result
, people surely have a foundation study which gives rise to more chances in order to search for a well-paid job.
Moreover
, providing many latest technology will help it to build a quality infrastructure
such
 as roads, and buildings.
Therefore
, it encourages extreme economic growth which certainly improves the quality of citizen's lives.
To sum up
, I restate my complete agreement with
this
 statement because of all the above-mentioned reasons.
Submitted by hoangtrungmta94 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Try to avoid repetition of phrases such as 'reasons for my viewpoint will be mentioned in this essay.' Instead, present the reasons directly to make your introduction more engaging.
task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples to support your points. For instance, the discussion on how financial aid does not reach the right people could include specific instances or statistics.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. Sometimes your points feel somewhat disconnected.
task achievement
You have a clear and understandable argument that is relevant to the prompt.
coherence cohesion
The essay has an introduction and a conclusion, which gives it a good structure.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are supported, even if more specific examples could strengthen them further.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • poverty alleviation
  • economic inequality
  • developing nations
  • foreign aid
  • sustainable growth
  • technical assistance
  • expertise
  • infrastructure
  • education
  • fair trade
  • trade barriers
  • sustainable development
  • environmental conservation
What to do next:
Look at other essays: