IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people argue that it is more important to have an enjoyable job than to earn a lot of money. Others disagree and think that a good salary leads to a better life. Discuss both the views and give your opinion.

#people #job #money #salary #life
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Over the past few decades, people's perspectives on law have diverged. With the rise in
crime
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rates
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, the question of whether capital
punishment
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 is necessary and vital has become a considerable debate. In my opinion, I disagree with the notion that capital
punishment
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 is necessary or beneficial.
Firstly
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, there is little evidence to suggest that capital
punishment
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 acts as an effective deterrent against
crime
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. Numerous studies have shown that the threat of the death penalty does not significantly reduce
crime
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rates
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.
Moreover
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, it may even perpetuate a cycle of violence and desensitize society to the value of human life.
Additionally
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, the implementation of capital
punishment
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 raises serious ethical concerns. There is always a risk of executing innocent individuals, and history has shown that wrongful convictions do occur. Once an execution is carried out, there is no way to reverse it, highlighting the irreversible nature of capital
punishment
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.
Instead
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 of focusing on punitive measures like capital
punishment
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, efforts should be directed towards addressing the root causes of
crime
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.
This
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 includes investing in education, poverty alleviation, and social support programs. By tackling issues
such
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 as inequality and lack of opportunity, we can create a society where
crime
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rates
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 naturally decrease without the need for extreme penalties. In conclusion,
while
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 it's important to address the growing
crime
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rates
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 in major cities, capital
punishment
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 is not the answer. It is ineffective as a deterrent and raises serious ethical concerns.
Instead
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, we should focus on implementing comprehensive strategies that address the underlying causes of
crime
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.
Submitted by zora840810 on

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task achievement
To improve task achievement, ensure that your essay directly addresses the given topic. The essay submitted discusses the topic of capital punishment rather than the assigned topic about job satisfaction versus salary. Carefully read the question and tailor your response to what is specifically asked.
task achievement
Your essay would benefit from more relevant and specific examples to support your points. Including real-life examples, studies, or statistics can make your argument more compelling and strengthen your case.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay showcases good logical structure and coherence, with a clear introduction and conclusion. To further enhance coherence, ensure that each paragraph smoothly transitions to the next, reinforcing the overall flow of your argument.
coherence and cohesion
You have a strong ability to construct logical arguments and convey your viewpoints in a coherent manner.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is well-organized with a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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