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New technologies have changed the way children spend their free time. Do advantages of this outweigh disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experiences.

#technologies #children #time #outweigh #experiences
Technologies have changed from
time
 to
time
;in current days technologies have taken a very advanced and fundamental place in the globe.The new generation especially children spend their leisure
time
earning
Correct your spelling
learning
show examples
 new things or solutions to problems,and some of them use it to play games in their free
time
.Today I am going to explain and give examples,of why the advantages of
this
 outweigh the disadvantages. First of all,the advantages of obtaining new automation are very important in daily life.
Furthermore
, most
nation
Fix the agreement mistake
nations
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 use
the
Correct article usage
apply
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new machinery to make life easier.
For example
,if you want to buy
do grocery
Wrong verb form
groceries
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 you can order them by clicking on one button only, it saves you plenty of
time
.
In other words
, you can do shopping online,
while
 sitting at home. Second all, most people use technology for educational purposes,
For instance
, the government placed
a new rules
Correct the article-noun agreement
new rules
a new rule
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 to avoid spending
paper
Change preposition
on paper
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, and
for
this
reason
Add a comma
reason,
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 the authorities provide computers and laptops to government schools,colleges and universities.
On the other
hand
Add a comma
hand,
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 there are some disadvantages of technology, where many children's brains getting divert in
negative
Change the article
a negative
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 way, and paying lack attention to their studies.
Moreover
, the advantages outweigh the disadvantages because
,
Remove the comma
apply
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it has many privileges.
In addition
, nowadays, the studies are exorbitant; and many people can't pay the education fees.
Such
 as, now anyone can educate him or herself by learning online with the technology. In conclusion, as per my knowledge and experience; there are many people who love to learn and gain new information, and new machinery made that possible today. The huge companies give opportunities to those who know about automation.
Submitted by ismailalmarri0 on

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coherence cohesion
Try to improve the logical flow of your argument. Ensure your ideas follow a clear pattern and are systematically linked.
task achievement
Provide more relevant and specific examples to support your points. This will strengthen your argument and make it more persuasive.
task achievement
Good effort in addressing both the advantages and disadvantages of new technologies concerning children's free time.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are present, giving your essay a clear beginning and end.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Accessibility
  • Enhanced learning opportunities
  • Deepen their understanding
  • Confines of the classroom
  • Cognitive development
  • Strategic thinking
  • Reduced face-to-face interaction
  • Hinder social skills development
  • Excessive screen time
  • Physical well-being
  • Cyberbullying
  • Inappropriate content
  • Internet safety
  • Critical thinking
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