IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#countries #world #people #cities #population #countryside #development
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In today’s world, it is predicted that most
people
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 will live in
cities
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 based on the statistics regarding population growth. There are studies and researchers to prove that the world population is increasing. A rapid reflux of
people
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 moving from rural to
cities
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 can cause major problems in the short and long term. Industrialization, employment opportunities, financial problems, commercialization, and social benefits are the leading causes of urbanization.
Firstly
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, when
people
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 move into the
city
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, the
cities
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 become more overcrowded, putting pressure on infrastructure
such
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 as accommodation and transport. When the
cities
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 are overpopulated, getting houses to live in will be difficult. It can
also
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 increase the demand for rented accommodation, which can cause a supply-demand issue
while
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 making the rent more unaffordable. The development of low-income earners will be neglected, and these
people
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 will be either homeless or trapped in poverty for the long term.
Secondly
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, the growth of urban areas can
also
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 lead to severe traffic congestion, and
as well as
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 it can impact the public transport infrastructure.
This
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 can cause air pollution within the
city
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, making life unhealthy. Traffic and
traveling
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travelling
show examples
issues
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 will be stressful to face on a daily basis, which can affect the mental health of individuals living in the
city
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.
However
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, urban development is not only negative; there can be positive development as well.
For instance
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, most rural areas do not have a great education system, and there are more education facilities in the
city
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, which means more opportunities for education. If the
issues
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 are addressed and managed properly, it can benefit the
people
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. In order to mitigate the traffic issue, the
cities
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 can implement ride-sharing. E-bikes or introducing park-and-ride services can decrease environmental
issues
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. Most of the
issues
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 generated by urbanization can be mitigated if these problems are addressed properly and methodically. The world's future will be based on how the government and the public respond to
such
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 urban-related
issues
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.
Submitted by shazraibrahimphotography2 on

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task achievement
Your essay demonstrates a generally clear understanding of the task, but some points are unclear or unsupported. Ensure you fully develop your ideas and consistently support logic with examples.
coherence cohesion
While your essay's logical structure is generally sound, some points require more compelling connections. Work on linking your ideas more smoothly and effectively.
lexical resource
Your essay lacks varied and advanced vocabulary at times. Try to use more sophisticated words and phrases to vary your lexical resource.
grammatical range
Your grammatical range is often correct and controlled, but some sentences could be more complex. Try to vary your sentence structure more to enhance clarity and complexity.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
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