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Band 7.5

Some people think that success is the best measure of intelligence, while others think that intelligence can be measured in other ways. What is your opinion on that?

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It is to be said that having strong intellectual capacity and knowledge is
such
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 a blessing for any of us. Some experts believe that accomplishment is only related to
intelligence
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,
while
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 others see that there are more effective methods to appraise mental capacity. I firmly believe that there are many reasons behind success, ranging from sheer luck to extraordinary
abilities
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. In
this
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 essay, I will refer to some studies and experiences to mark other valuable standards of
intelligence
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.
To begin
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, success is not always associated with high cognitive
abilities
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. Some people have succeeded because they had precious opportunities from their social connections, they were lucky, or even because they were rich. At the same time, many of those who have precious mental
abilities
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 have not succeeded because they used their
abilities
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 in the wrong way.
For instance
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, Robert Oppenheimer, the American physicist who was a genius, didn't succeed because his contributions were used in the atomic bomb that led to the Hiroshima massacre. He didn't even win a Nobel Prize for his scientific works, and since
then
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, he has been known as the "father of the atomic bomb."
Secondly
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, it is unfair to judge
intelligence
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 based on only one criterion. Many benchmarks can reflect mental
abilities
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such
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 as creativity, attitude, the ability to take action, or even the IQ test or any other
intelligence
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 scale.
Moreover
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,
intelligence
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 can be affected by many factors, like genetics and the environment;
therefore
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, the measurement can't be the same for all individuals.
In addition
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 to
this
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, a study conducted at Heuston University on 50 students who were tested for mental capacity revealed that 14 students who were classified as
intelligence
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 students had 90% similarity in all mark schemes, and the 10% varied in some points of creativity, IQ test results, actions and reactions, and adaptation. In conclusion, having great cognitive
abilities
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 does not necessarily lead to great accomplishments.
Moreover
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,
intelligence
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 can be evaluated by a variety of criteria including special tests, innovation, behaviours, brain capabilities, and many others.

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task achievement
You could further strengthen your task response by drawing out more examples or studies to support your points. Additionally, discussing counterarguments in more depth would add a balanced perspective.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that all transitions between paragraphs are smooth. While your current transitions are effective, exploring more sophisticated linking phrases would bring your writing even closer to native fluency.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and provide a strong sense of the essay's overall argument.
coherence cohesion
You have provided a logical structure, making it easy to follow your argument throughout the essay.
task achievement
You used relevant specific examples such as the case of Robert Oppenheimer to illustrate your points. This helps to make your argument more compelling.
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